What a blast it has been

Today, 4 years ago, I first came to this city that I now consider my home away from home. On 20th June 2005, as I saw my Mom's rick turn around the corner as she headed back to the station to get back to Chennai, I remember thinking "Oh My God! What have I gotten myself into?" as the cold air made my tear glands react a little. I went for my first day at my new job after that.

Oh yes people! I vividly remember. It was cold on 19th June 2005. Its hot on 19th June 2009. Global warming! or as I like to call it.. "Closer to Armageddon".

During the earlier years, I have had days when I regretted ever coming here. But today, I feel like I made the best of it.

Have I made some mistakes? yes.
Have I made bad choices? yes.
Could my life have been better had I never come here? No. I can't imagine how.

I have had an absolute blast being here. This city has taught me how to be more free-spirited and bend a few rules. I have made some very unexpected friends who have been around since Day 1. And some who aren't around anymore. But their presence in my life made those days so precious. It has taught me how to be more tolerant and forgiving. It made me realise who I was. I mingled in circles varying from (for lack of a better expression) Crème brûlée to Jello. And I realised, that I am a Jello kind of girl who indulges in Crème brûlée once in a while. (Which Cameron Diaz/Julia Roberts movie am I thinking about?)

Expectations. The less you expect, the more you find yourself pleased with what you get. (Disclaimer: This does not apply to green pieces of paper with Gandhi's face on it. Milk the conglomerates. I'm busting my ass anyways :P).


Loving your friends. They are the support system that have kept me breathing. Without their help, I would have been a very lost and lonely person and would have given up a long time ago. They know every expression I have and even if I blink differently, they'll know something's up.


Loving yourself. No one will take care of you as well as your parents. And if there is another person, it is yourself.


Independence. I have to say, I'm getting very used to the whole no-questions-asked way of my life. And I might have a problem when the time comes for the bigger commitments of my life. But for now, I can't ask for more.


Strengthened bonds with family. Believe it or not, I feel closer to my family now than ever before. They stood silently by my side for every whim I had. And never have they objected.


Tougher. It will probably take a lot to faze me. I know that I can survive anywhere. We all have survived weakened wills, heartbreak and breaches of trust. But like everyone else, we picked up the pieces and moved on. I know that I have wronged some people in the process of making my choices. It was hard. But it had to be done.

It was an awesome ride so far. I hope we continue being fun and lively(I know.. its lost its sheen a little). I hope I get to do something fun to celebrate tomorrow with the ones who are with me since 20 June 2005.

Quarter Life Crisis

by unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Many may have already read this. I found this piece while I was doing some random reading and I cannot agree more with this unknown person. Most people might feel like they relate to this when they read it. I know I did! I didn't want to make this post very introspective. But like lots of people my age, I'm in crisis mode. And am willing to look everywhere to find some direction.

2

Two basic things that define our generation:

1. Jeans



2. Maggi Noodles



Source: After a deep(ok!!so maybe not that deep!) and lengthy discussion over coffee with colleagues.

Oh.. the horror

Its dirty and has very scary looking teeth.



I'm not a big fan of dogs. Mainly because I am scared of them more than I am of.. oh, I don't know.. an axe murderer?!?. Until a while ago, it used to border on phobia. Then I started learning how to ignore them and they ignored me too. I would be indifferent if they minded their own business and stayed away from me. I even found the little ones cute (from a distance).

Today morning, I was standing in my usual spot waiting for my ride to work. I thought I was safely standing a good 50 ft away from a usual pack of stray dogs that hang out in that area. They were sleepy and scratchy. Then suddenly, as if they sniffed something in the air, all of them got up and charged at the traffic. Only to realise later that it was nothing and that they should go back to sleep.

But just like most things in my life that tend to go wrong, one dog caught sight of me and came charging and barking at me. Now, you know how people say that you shouldn't panic when a dog barks at you?. Well, I panicked. I panicked and screamed in a voice that closely resembled an opera singer's. I think that irritated the dog more. And it came closer to me and I started backing up into the traffic in my state pf shock/fear/"somebody shoot this dog" panic. To put it mildly, a car almost hit me. The poor driver didn't even know how to scream at me for being so stupid seeing I was already all shook up thanks to the dog who still didn't SHUT UP! So he turned his car towards the dog to shoo it away, stayed with me till my ride came. Bless that man.

But now, I HATE dogs. And I don't want rabies. Right now, I'm picturing myself with a hunting gun shooting the crap out of that stupid pack of dogs. And I know that some animal rights activist might give me a hard time that I even said something like that. Maybe later, I'll not want them dead, just abducted by aliens or whisked away by the Pied Piper. But never will I want them chasing after me. That's just horror movie material.

The little things that make you happy

Perk Poppers and Appy Fizz. I finished 2 bags of Perk Poppers during lunch.
And those round little chocolate yummies are one of my all time favourites.

Remember Cadbury's Nutties? Back from 1990s? Came in a little red box? It tastes exactly the same. I'm so glad Cadbury's relaunched it.


Best idea ever. Retro never goes out of style ..err..taste:D

Made me forget what a horrible day I was having. At one point, I wanted to throw the whole computer on the floor and stomp the living daylights out of that stupid box. Instead, I went to Big Bazaar and came back armed with 2 bags of Poppers and a bottle of Appy Fizz, grinning ear to ear.

Oh happy days!

For the first time

...in a very long time. I'm very very excited. No. I don't think I emphasized enough how EXCITED I am. I am VERY VERY excited. :P
After having spent more then 3 years as a paying guest in a 3 bedroom flat where everything is taken care of, I got tired of it. The place was very homely and clean and well kept. It was like living in a serviced apartment. The reason I stayed there was because it reminded me of my home back in Chennai. But I got tired of the rules and not being able to have friends over and the constant visit to the damned laundry service and most importantly.. the food. I got very tired of the food. And then the clock struck 12 at midnight and the carriage turned into a pumpkin and everything got shot to hell.

So then I said.. screw the damned pumpkin carriage and decided to get myself a carriage made of Titanium .aka. my own flat. The Fairy Godmother can sit on it!

This is where time stopped being linear altogether. I was looking at houses for only 4 days. But it seemed like I had been at it forever. And after (4)days of looking at houses that resembled slightly improved slums and fretting and crying and (possibly) driving my friends mad, I found a place that suited all my requirements.

Main road, respectable apartment building, 24 hr security, big furnished room with my OWN bathroom, all other house hold processes already in place and bang opposite my old office building. Other things that are nice about the place are the swimming pool, the lawn outside my new flat and (I'm told) a little gym.

All of the things I have said before are not the reasons for my extreme excitement.

For a while now, I have wanted to try my hand at designing a living space. Now that I have my own place, I can finally design and accessorize my room the way I please. Free hand. No questions. And that is making me a little giddy with excitement. I cant stop looking for new design ideas online and can't wait to hit the home stores. I can almost see the curtains and the the rugs in my mind.

Ok. Now I'm going to stop drooling all over this web page. And once again, peace and order is restored in a land called Chaotic-resh-land.

P.S: For all those who haven't figured out if God exists, take it from me. There is God. All you have to do to find Him is cry for 4 days straight :D And don't worry. Its not because God is cruel. Its because I believe that my tears evaporated and went into the water cycle only to become rain for somewhere else. So over all, we all win.

P.P.S: :D

I will take it personally

I am sick and tired of all the "Bangaloreans" whining about the culture degradation and population and pollution and bla bla bla.. For Christ's sake, will you can it already and find it in your brain (no matter how remote) to channel some rationalism?

My entire life, I have never stayed in one place. My father was in the Army and I moved a lot. A LOT! I never had a real home. I made home wherever I was. I never had a problem adjusting to the people and picking up languages. I never felt out of place. I always felt at home. Because everywhere I went, it was my COUNTRY. And no North Indian was biased against me because I was a South Indian (or what they like to call "Madrasis"). That never got in my way because I always found a way to prove I was good (I don't mean to sound pompous. But you have to understand the pressure of constant change and coping and getting people to accept you).

But you know where I have felt the most out of place? In my own part of the country. South India. Bangalore.

When I moved to Bangalore, I always thought of this place where no one will feel out of place. Because there are all kinds of people here. It was thought of as a veritable melting-pot; of cultures, languages and people (Indians and expatriates). It symbolised all the true shades of secularism, not just its literal religious implications.

I know 4 year isn't a very long time to say much about a place. But I do know when an attitude starts to stink. It takes no time to realize that!

When people cried "culture degradation", I admit that most educated people realised it was all a political gimmick. But can someone "cultured" tell me which part of our culture professes beating up women? In my opinion, all the inflow of culture and ideas has only made the stand of the WOMAN in the India, stronger. Uneducated minions of political buffoons (like Muthalik), the whole lot have the IQ of a fly. They can never begin to understand what a powerful woman is. They never got slapped hard enough by their mommies when they were little. Let me point out that retaliation for the whole episode was started by a NON-Bangalorean. Nisha Susan, a journalist form New Delhi.

Then people cried "population". So can someone please tell me who opened the gates of Bangalore to let in the Conglomerates and MNCs? Im sorry, I don't have the intelligence to match the great economically driven Governments. Oh wait a sec!! I do have a little intelligence. So the answer is - The Government. When they wanted people to work for the BIG companies, who gave them the OK to bring people in? The Government. When the State was rolling in money and middle class ruled, who clapped their hands? The Government and WE ALL DID. But when the city couldnt take its explosion anymore, what did the geniuses in The Government do? They sent hooligans to beat up anyone who didn't speak Kannada and stood outside a club (which by the way, they gave the permit to run). And made the outsiders look like the culprits. I heard this somewhere and i think it holds true here - "The Devil's biggest trick was to convince the world he didn't exist". BUT HE DOES. And he is in all those who point fingers at others for mistakes they didn't anticipate.

Then the people cried "language". Kannada. I have a lot of respect for all who speak the language. And as I said earlier, I have always been in places where I did have to learn the language of the state. I have done it before. I'm doing it now. But when will the people learn to respect their country's national language. Hindi. I accuse all states who haven't made the effort to learn it. And all people who condemn it. I am an Indian before I am a Tamilian or Kannadiga or Malayalee or Bihari or whatever. And I wish people would realise that. I am scared to speak in Hindi to an autowala for fear of which one will turn back and start lecturing me on how outsiders have ruined their city.

Then the people cried "pollution". Which city in the world isn't battling pollution? But its the choices we make that makes the difference. We live in a big BIG city. And getting around is hard. No one wants to take public transport because of its sorry state. Everyone has a bike or a car. But our choices affects the environment. My friends made fun of me when I spoke of buying the Tata Nano. Its a brilliant car, efficient design and effective in terms of mileage and exhaust. But everyone wants the Big car with the muscle and close to nothing mileage.

If I didn't have the job I have now(Thanks to the MNCs) and sat at home all day, I would never have come to Bangalore to degrade their culture and add to their population and made money (for me and them). If I don't have the money, I wouldn't plan on buying the big car which added to the pollution. So there you go! The answer to all your problems is... a screeching Economic halt. (Drum rolls please! We have a eureka moment here! )

But wait a sec, people still want the money! What a pickle! (Stop the Drum rolls!)

This city is a tiny little speck in a huge country called India. And I support whatever steps we must take to make this city better. But if someone points a finger and says "Outsiders are the problem", then that's no lesser than any other form of racial terrorism. I'm an part of the problem just as much as the next guy. My life is just as difficult. But I do not agree with this whole new way of breaking the whole country up into little pieces in the name of culture, language, and whatever other criteria they can come up with. This is my way of speaking up. I have put it out there on the internet as a record.

I will not kiss Bangalore's butt JUST because im not from here. I will call a spade, a spade! I am presently a part of this city and cannot contribute to the solution for the city if people like me are treated as part of the problem (Added after comment from "Bangalore Resident" who clearly missed my point)


This little excerpt from the book "A Thing Beyond Forever" by Novoneel Chakraborty will probably sum up the "Outsider" perspective better than anything I have said before:

A conversation between an MBA and a 'struggling actor'. The MBA advises the struggler to first get a job and this is what the actor replies:
"Have you ever seen a star studded sky?

Why, yes.

You may like the star just above your head or the one in the right or to the left perhaps but you got no right to question why the star to the left is in the left.

I believe the point of our living is to find the coordinates where we know we belong and respect it irrespective of whatever difficulties or humiliation we encounter."

P.S: If you are reading this sentence, Thanks for sticking around and listening! :)

Lessons learnt from "Confessions of a Shopoholic"

And as God is my witness.. It thought it was hilarious!
I think all the boys I went with, really learnt something (Stop rolling your eyes).
Me on the other hand, I am not much of a shopper (I said.. stop rolling those eyes! :P)

The net worth of the clothes worn by the boys who accompanied us was staggeringly high. I mean the whole nine yards.. D&G belt, Calvin Klien shorts(probably).. the works. I dont even want to start with the brands of their shirts and jeans.

Makes me feel frugal :D (Stop throwing stuff at me!)

On the other hand, I think I prefer the boys in brands. It would be quite funny if they were wearing jeans branded "Rockshtar Jean-pant" with a giant dragon design on the back pocket!

Frugal me.. buys most stuff on sales. I attempted (and in vain!) to try and find somethings during the last sale. And believe me, they looked like maternity clothes to me. So I bought nothing. (Dont throw my stilletos at me! they're new!!)

P.S': The weekend was pretty good for the most part. If I choose to ignore some specific parts of it, it might actually qualify as a "oh-my-god-that-was-super-fun" weekend.

Recession

I sit at a desk right outside the cabin of the VP of my company's development division in India. And from yesterday, I have been watching people come and take a seat on the couch outside his cabin and wait for him see them. I didn't realise what was happening yesterday because of earphones and work.

Today morning I was told that 18 people were laid off yesterday from my facility. And that just on one floor. Some of whom I had said hi to just that morning while at breakfast.

I know that recession has been on for a while and that people have been losing jobs worldwide.
But it hit me only today!

Another guy, all teary faced, came and took a seat on the couch today.

And now, courtesy my damned seating location, I'm getting a front row view of the panic and fear and sadness on the faces of the people who were unfortunate enough to be called to the VP's cabin. Only to be escorted out of the building soon after like a felon.

I grew up as an Army child. And the only time I have ever heard of anyone being escorted out that disgracefully, is when they have been courtmarshalled. If you have preformed a serious and criminal offense against the Govt or people of India.

What's the average software engineer's or person's crime? Working their asses off to please often unpleasant superiors?

I don't like Corporations and I don't like it when deserving people get fired. I especially don't like my seat..

My Hattrick - where's my Hat?

Merriam Webster definition:
Main Entry : hat trick
Function : noun
Etymology : probably from the former practice of rewarding the feat with the gift of a hat
Date : 1877

1 : the retiring of three batsmen with three consecutive balls by a bowler in cricket
or
2 : the scoring of three goals in one game (as of hockey or soccer) by a single player
or
3 : a series of three victories, successes, or related accomplishments

Highway Rhapsodies definition:
Main Entry : hat trick
Function : to remind me of how stupid I can be
Etymology : probably from the day my geography teacher made me wear a "DUFUS" hat in 5th standard for not doing my homework(for the 3rd time) and made me stand in the corridor for God, the disapproving nuns, the laughing children and all His other holy creatures to see.
Date : 1994-till however long I continue to be stupid.

1 : 3 years lived by one person
and
2 : 3 people made friends by one person
and
3 : 3 complete disasters said person got caught in in said 3 years with said three "friends".

I'm just terrible with people.

This year my hat looks like this:


If this ever happens to me again, i'll be wearing this on my head as a hat:

Fed Up!

I am fed up of people who run around thinking you owe them a responsibility greater than being their friend.
Who don't realise that their actions not only make a huge impact on your own life, but also capable of embarrassing one in front of family.
Who think that they are entitled to disrupt delicate and deliberately maintained as aloof relationships you have had with people and make it a joke.
Who know that they are doing all of the above, and still go ahead and do it!

I refuse to apologise for reasons that tie me down. And if a friend cant understand that, then..

Get a clue!!

Good Byeee 6:30 am.. Helloooo 7 am..

After a long (i would add more 'o's to the "long".. but i think i overused the extra alphabets per word quota today with the title!!) stint at whitefield, I am heading back to my home office. Where my window seat has the direct view of the new construction and traffic clogged roads. Beautiful huh! Wait.. did I forget to mention that I can also see a tree? It has one leaf.

Jokes apart, Im really glad im heading back coz
a) Its my home office. Its where I can throw myself on the floor and throw tantrums and people would just step over me and go about their work.
b) I get to sleep a GLORIOUS half hour more.
c) I have been on this project from Sept 2007. I think I need a change. Like Flame throwing or something.
d) Because if one more person says MRP or VAT.. I'll scream!!!! (Retail terminology related to my product.. dont bother)
e) Because i will finally have the time to pick up that new Product my manager has been asking me to dive into. And may i add, is still patiently waiting for me to jump!
f) Because i can drink coffee.. from a real porcelein cup.. again!

Im hoping new work brings me inspiration. And also hoping, my company gives me more money :D

2009.. Bring me back!

The last few days i have been too distracted for writing anything intelligent. Courtesy New year's eve and Secret Santa and catching up with friends over the weekend.

Now that i feel i have collected myself.. I will utter my first intelligent words for 2009.. Bla mlu ge floof! :P And now i feel so much better.

The most dominating feeling I had when the count down to 2009 began was RELIEF; that it was over and will never happen to me again :) Amongst other feelings of loss, finding myself (or whatever it is that i found), distance, asserting myself (which i haven't done in ages) and disconnect.

I loved the way we brought in the New Year this time. It was exactly the way i had wanted it to be. I'm sorry that some other friends of mine could not join us and I just want them to know that i missed them :)



I know that New year calls for cheesy resolutions. And who am i to break the order of things created by God and His people? :D So here goes:

1. Lose 'x' kilos ( x is a variable that i will set at the end of the year based on how much i have actually lost) :D
2. Be more patient (Lord knows how!!)
3. Keep problems to myself. Even if the problem is with my own Fairy Godmother.
4. Do something extra special for friends and family who get me :)
5. Maybe learn a dance form (and this one is optional)


I wish for everyone that they figure out where they are going and that 2009 will bring them the luck and direction we are all hoping we get.

Have a wonderful year.. to everyone.. and me!

Because every family has a rat

What does one do who when a nosey relative tries to tell your mom that staying away from home is spoiling your child?

In all honesty, I deeply dislike this particular relative of mine. I find her stuck up and rather conservative. Also, she is infamous for putting her nose where it doesnt belong. Like this instance.

I know that most families have atleast one such character amongst them. You agree to see them only because your parents force you to and in every family function, you try your level best to dodge them each time they come near you.

No matter how much we blame the generation gap for differences between us and our parents, I have to admit that at some basic blueprint level, we're exactly like them. What's unfortunate is that the children of this annoying relative of mine are exactly like her. They somehow think its alright for them to be nosey because their parents do it.

I dont appreciate when people question my lifestyle choices. I especially dont appreciate when they question my parents for my lifestyle choices.

I sure was glad when my mom put her in her place by telling her that she has complete faith in me and that she wasnt worried.

So coming back to the original question- What does one do with such relatives?
If i were living in the medieval times, i would have called her a witch and watched the people burn her. Thats how much I dislike her.

But since im not in medieval ages and since her tadle-tale children are on my friends list in public forums, i have barred them from seeing any information or photos of mine; even though they are friends. And I hate blocking friends. I think its immature. But with weird family, i think its OK to bend the rules a little.

You know what I don't get.. Almost every person in my family is cool and open minded. How this one turned out to be a bad apple, I fail to understand. But if you're reading this, you are most probably thinking the same of atleast one such person in your family.

All I want for Christmas :D

The last few days, I have been running around making my pockets lighter and seeing doctors to fix
a) my tooth
b) wat appears by be my unstoppable ability to generate phlegm.
Yes!! Ur right! I'm very sexy and you know it :D

Turns out, I have Sinus problems. My doc says that such respiratory problems happen to people within 2-3 yrs of moving to Bangalore(esp if they come from warmer places). Now my eyebrows and cheekbones feel congested all the time. It feels like someone punched me and i haven't recovered.
I'm one decibel shy of a migraine all the time.

On another note, I sure am glad this year is coming to a close. It was an awfully long year with not-so-many wonderful things in it. In fact, some of the things that happened this year were down right awful. But im not going to mope about that here. Ill do that in my room with a huge box of tissues for my sinus discharges (don't think i cant see you making that face!! :P) and a huge migraine pill.
Like some teacher in school many many centuries ago once said "there's no use crying over spilled milk" ... or was it split milk.. i could never tell.

So one good thing we're doing towards the close of this year is "Secret Santa". Its fun how you can ask anybody in the group absolutely illogical questions to down right idiotic ones. And play along when someone asks you the same.

All I want for Christmas this year is Johnny Depp as Captain Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean costume running towards me with his arms and legs flailing about. I want to roll on the floor and laugh when i imagine it. Feel free to not laugh should you not find my fantasy funny :P

And the list of things I want for the new year are unending. Hopefully, im going to get atleast 5 of them :D
I wont tell which ones coz i don't want to jinx them.

Survivor

Hats off to the NSG boys for doing such a brilliant save. The whole country is proud.
What a wonderful sight it was to see them smiling when they came out.

I wish all the anti-social elements everywhere would learn what love for one's country and its people means - from them.

Control

Over the last few months, I have been working under circumstances where I am forced to work with teams who can only grant me limited access to things i have to do..Due to processes.. Things that i have always worked with full privileges.

And when you work ur butt off trying to make your work perfect and everything in proper place, the teams you are dependent on goes and screws things up. Its not that i dont like what i do. I love it. But it makes me mad as hell that every stage of my work is not executed by me. That I'm not in control till the end. That my work will not be perfect if ignorant people get their messy hands into it. Wrecks it!

Infuriating!!!

I have always wanted full control over anything I do.. personal or professional. Its so maddening that the things I do for the better part of my day during the week are the exact things I dont have full control over.

And this is especially inconvenient when I lose my temper. My friend told me to count upto "10 sheep jumping over the fence" and then talk, when I lose my temper.

I have not practiced it yet since when I'm that angry, all I want is to shove the fool's head in a can of smelly sea weed.

Conversation over lunch

A - S has put a really funny status message on gtalk
R - What is it?
A - What came first- Chicken or the egg?
R - What?
A - Chicken. Coz God would have looked stupid sitting on an egg.. (And she grins)

R meanwhile continues to look confused..After some thought she says..

R - But why would God look any less sillier sitting on a chicken??

A looks like she's about to stab herself with her fork and says..

A - U didnt not just say that!!??

Bibliography:
Haas - For using his style of writing conversations :P
Suntrupth - For putting that status message that proved to the world that I wear a black wig that covers my blonde hair
Myself - For being such a sport

Anyone wants a black wig with bouncy wavy hair? I dont need it anymore.. I am finally free to be silly.. :P

Dreaming of !Butterflies

Its late.. I'm really tired. And I'm writing a post about how I cant go to sleep. Yes.. Ms.Im-too-cool-U-dont-scare-me strikes again.. ugghh! If you see her.. please give her two tight slaps for me. She totally deserves it! You will know why in a few minutes.

I cant sleep because all of a sudden I have become scared of dreaming. The minute I think of something/someone unpleasant before sleeping, Bam!! I get nightmares. Really bad ones. I wake up in the morning feeling like i got hit by a truck and walking around like the Christmas Grinch. Snapping at people, making mistakes, totally neurotic.

And if the thoughts before sleep are happy ones, then.. oh hold thy breath!! blank!
Why cant I have dreams about being a superhero or a millionaire or winning the Nobel prize. OK OK.. maybe that's asking too much.. How about a simple garden with lots of flowers.. that sound reasonable? But nooo.. it has to be Grinch-syndrome dreams.

So if you see her.. Slap her!

I know there is a simple explanation.. maybe change my pillow.. eat an apple a day..or(my favourite option at the moment) knock myself unconscious when im ready to sleep.

Fear I shall not!

This one really freaked me out!

And 3 lil sentences are all it took

Did it blow the wind out of u?