Thursday, January 25, 2007

Silent Reverie


Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybeI’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

-Sarah McLachlan

Its a depressing song..
The only sounds are the organ piano and a her gothic voice..
but i have never heard anything more beautiful..

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Desire Vs Morals

I believe that all people are constitutionally good.. that their foundation is morally sound. but every now and then we face situations when we want something so badly that we ignore all the moral science lessons from school...all that our elders tell us about being righteous and being fair to everyone goes out the window.

Its not that they are bad or have no values.. its just that impulse and desire to get what they want takes over so strongly that one would go to any lengths to go get it. Any means necessary are taken. So does that move made on an impulse brand them as ethically unsound.. unvirtuous??

Who decides what we do as right or wrong? the society? our parents? or school moral science teacher? Our scriptures? or us.. our inner voice? I want to think thats its our inner voice.. but what influences our soul?..this inner voice .. i have been told that a large part of this influence comes from the way we have been brought up..our culture..our surroundings.I agree with what has been told to me so far because i have not heard a more convincing explanation yet. So if you really think about it, its a full circle.

But doesnt that make you wonder why so many people go astray..why the crime rates still continue to increase and why people still cheat and lie?

Generically speaking.. almost all of us are from the same culture..no matter what language we speak or which state we belong to. All parents hope to see their children grow up to be law abiding, ethical citizens of a country. Then where do things go wrong?

The Bible says that if you are righteous and virtuous, then you will go to heaven.. otherwise you will be sent to hell.. Other scriptures speak on similar lines. The Law says that if you abide by the rules, then you can lead a free life .. otherwise you will be sent to jail.. Since most of the population is broadly classified under two categories- The God fearing and the Atheists.. Whatever anyone may chose to be.. the above two statements should ideally deter them from doing anything sinful or illegal. Yet, there are exceptions, the ones who choose to defy all that is right and just, the antisocial elements of society. Where does their inner voice go? Why do they do what they do.. I refuse to believe that they were born bad apples..but how did they become rotten?

What if i do something that does not harm anybody materially, to achieve that which gives me happiness. Does it make me a bad person because for once i put myself before others? Because for once i put preference to my personal good before the common good.. for once i decided not to be a saint? Just because we are expected to be one at all times.. we put up a facade. It makes me feel like i'm cheating everyone more than ever because every cell in me wants something else and i'm doing something that is politically and ethically correct because i'm expected to do so.

So bottom line is.. When i do the right thing, i'm cheating everyone because i'm putting up a facade thereby making me feel guilty. And when i do what my heart desires, everyone else thinks im a cheat thereby making me feel guilty all over again.

The difference in guilt, as i see it, in the two cases is that in the first case, im not being honest with myself or anyone else. In the second case i am being honest about what i really want with myself and with everyone else. End result is the same. Free will has just died.. under moral obligations.

As i understand it, you can never do anything as you please to because at some point or other your decisions affect and influence others. And if there is the slightest possibility that it may cause heartache or loss or even a sneeze.. you have to rollback everything that you planned. Becuase you are a good person.. because you have ethics.. because you cannot break their heart.. But what about "your" heart?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

mauve or purple??

Most boys do not know the difference between the two colours.. mauve and purple.. and when asked to venture a guess, they come up with THE most absurd answers..Here is an example...


Ji*** says: Hmmm.. arent they the same?? ( I'm thinking.. sure.. watever makes u happy :D)


Dhi***says: This is a trick question.. i refuse to answer.. (playing it safe huh???)


Jo*** says: mauve is a kind of guava that grows in goa.. it is very soft to touch and turns orange as it ripens ( ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.. Jonas.. u are the cutest !!)


A***(Smashed beyond hope ..points to a random direction and) says: mauve is that way.. and
purple is - i have to pee

Oh dear God!!!save thy world from this disgraceful ignorance

Friday, January 12, 2007

Lost Cause...


I have always wondered how some people are so detached from everything.. If a rocketship crashes at thier feet or someone at a resteraunt slaps them, throws the glass of water on their face and shows them the finger.. nothing... they are as composed as a person getting a nobel prize.. like they dont know the meaning of the term shell shocked..

As if they have this force field around them that cocoons them from everything or numbs everything that is sharp... and all they are eventually left with is the placid and calm feeling .. nirvana..

and when u see their face.. its almost as if they are saying..
u can can do whatever u wanna do.. u aint gonna get to me!!!!

and im thinking... my God!!! How the fuck are u so calm.. i mean come on.. wat are u.. stone??!!

and another part in me says.. i wanna be that.. learn how to not scream and throw something at someone when im losing the last shred of sanity i have..

I wanna be able to stand there.. look around where everything is burning and feel like im standing along the sea shore..calm.. composed... and most importantly.. detached...

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Memories fading .. greying .. blurring

Independence..new friends..long phone conversations...trips.. weekends at home.. making more new friends..merger.. standing around drinking coffee..disappointment.. contact.. rekindling old relationships.. building new ones.. ambition.. driven.. ooty green.. working like a donkey.. opportunities.. breaking rules..new work.. anxiousness.. nervousness.. more sleepless nights.. more comfort from old friends.. overnights..sleepovers.. fuel.. tibetan evil.. bonding like never before.. dancing.. the beach.. losing it.. finding yourself.. snap judgements.. wrong impressions.. unconditional affection.. drifting away.. unanswered questions.. thankful.. mom.. family.. friends.. realizations.. running away..seeking answers.. God.. religion.. breaking free..Casa..sing-alongs..straight hair..same person.. big brown eyes.. kindness.. strangers.. no longer friends.. sweeping under the carpet.. turn away...

put it all in a box.. label it 2006.. lock it and throw the key away...

work on filling up a new box...