I will take it personally

I am sick and tired of all the "Bangaloreans" whining about the culture degradation and population and pollution and bla bla bla.. For Christ's sake, will you can it already and find it in your brain (no matter how remote) to channel some rationalism?

My entire life, I have never stayed in one place. My father was in the Army and I moved a lot. A LOT! I never had a real home. I made home wherever I was. I never had a problem adjusting to the people and picking up languages. I never felt out of place. I always felt at home. Because everywhere I went, it was my COUNTRY. And no North Indian was biased against me because I was a South Indian (or what they like to call "Madrasis"). That never got in my way because I always found a way to prove I was good (I don't mean to sound pompous. But you have to understand the pressure of constant change and coping and getting people to accept you).

But you know where I have felt the most out of place? In my own part of the country. South India. Bangalore.

When I moved to Bangalore, I always thought of this place where no one will feel out of place. Because there are all kinds of people here. It was thought of as a veritable melting-pot; of cultures, languages and people (Indians and expatriates). It symbolised all the true shades of secularism, not just its literal religious implications.

I know 4 year isn't a very long time to say much about a place. But I do know when an attitude starts to stink. It takes no time to realize that!

When people cried "culture degradation", I admit that most educated people realised it was all a political gimmick. But can someone "cultured" tell me which part of our culture professes beating up women? In my opinion, all the inflow of culture and ideas has only made the stand of the WOMAN in the India, stronger. Uneducated minions of political buffoons (like Muthalik), the whole lot have the IQ of a fly. They can never begin to understand what a powerful woman is. They never got slapped hard enough by their mommies when they were little. Let me point out that retaliation for the whole episode was started by a NON-Bangalorean. Nisha Susan, a journalist form New Delhi.

Then people cried "population". So can someone please tell me who opened the gates of Bangalore to let in the Conglomerates and MNCs? Im sorry, I don't have the intelligence to match the great economically driven Governments. Oh wait a sec!! I do have a little intelligence. So the answer is - The Government. When they wanted people to work for the BIG companies, who gave them the OK to bring people in? The Government. When the State was rolling in money and middle class ruled, who clapped their hands? The Government and WE ALL DID. But when the city couldnt take its explosion anymore, what did the geniuses in The Government do? They sent hooligans to beat up anyone who didn't speak Kannada and stood outside a club (which by the way, they gave the permit to run). And made the outsiders look like the culprits. I heard this somewhere and i think it holds true here - "The Devil's biggest trick was to convince the world he didn't exist". BUT HE DOES. And he is in all those who point fingers at others for mistakes they didn't anticipate.

Then the people cried "language". Kannada. I have a lot of respect for all who speak the language. And as I said earlier, I have always been in places where I did have to learn the language of the state. I have done it before. I'm doing it now. But when will the people learn to respect their country's national language. Hindi. I accuse all states who haven't made the effort to learn it. And all people who condemn it. I am an Indian before I am a Tamilian or Kannadiga or Malayalee or Bihari or whatever. And I wish people would realise that. I am scared to speak in Hindi to an autowala for fear of which one will turn back and start lecturing me on how outsiders have ruined their city.

Then the people cried "pollution". Which city in the world isn't battling pollution? But its the choices we make that makes the difference. We live in a big BIG city. And getting around is hard. No one wants to take public transport because of its sorry state. Everyone has a bike or a car. But our choices affects the environment. My friends made fun of me when I spoke of buying the Tata Nano. Its a brilliant car, efficient design and effective in terms of mileage and exhaust. But everyone wants the Big car with the muscle and close to nothing mileage.

If I didn't have the job I have now(Thanks to the MNCs) and sat at home all day, I would never have come to Bangalore to degrade their culture and add to their population and made money (for me and them). If I don't have the money, I wouldn't plan on buying the big car which added to the pollution. So there you go! The answer to all your problems is... a screeching Economic halt. (Drum rolls please! We have a eureka moment here! )

But wait a sec, people still want the money! What a pickle! (Stop the Drum rolls!)

This city is a tiny little speck in a huge country called India. And I support whatever steps we must take to make this city better. But if someone points a finger and says "Outsiders are the problem", then that's no lesser than any other form of racial terrorism. I'm an part of the problem just as much as the next guy. My life is just as difficult. But I do not agree with this whole new way of breaking the whole country up into little pieces in the name of culture, language, and whatever other criteria they can come up with. This is my way of speaking up. I have put it out there on the internet as a record.

I will not kiss Bangalore's butt JUST because im not from here. I will call a spade, a spade! I am presently a part of this city and cannot contribute to the solution for the city if people like me are treated as part of the problem (Added after comment from "Bangalore Resident" who clearly missed my point)


This little excerpt from the book "A Thing Beyond Forever" by Novoneel Chakraborty will probably sum up the "Outsider" perspective better than anything I have said before:

A conversation between an MBA and a 'struggling actor'. The MBA advises the struggler to first get a job and this is what the actor replies:
"Have you ever seen a star studded sky?

Why, yes.

You may like the star just above your head or the one in the right or to the left perhaps but you got no right to question why the star to the left is in the left.

I believe the point of our living is to find the coordinates where we know we belong and respect it irrespective of whatever difficulties or humiliation we encounter."

P.S: If you are reading this sentence, Thanks for sticking around and listening! :)

Lessons learnt from "Confessions of a Shopoholic"

And as God is my witness.. It thought it was hilarious!
I think all the boys I went with, really learnt something (Stop rolling your eyes).
Me on the other hand, I am not much of a shopper (I said.. stop rolling those eyes! :P)

The net worth of the clothes worn by the boys who accompanied us was staggeringly high. I mean the whole nine yards.. D&G belt, Calvin Klien shorts(probably).. the works. I dont even want to start with the brands of their shirts and jeans.

Makes me feel frugal :D (Stop throwing stuff at me!)

On the other hand, I think I prefer the boys in brands. It would be quite funny if they were wearing jeans branded "Rockshtar Jean-pant" with a giant dragon design on the back pocket!

Frugal me.. buys most stuff on sales. I attempted (and in vain!) to try and find somethings during the last sale. And believe me, they looked like maternity clothes to me. So I bought nothing. (Dont throw my stilletos at me! they're new!!)

P.S': The weekend was pretty good for the most part. If I choose to ignore some specific parts of it, it might actually qualify as a "oh-my-god-that-was-super-fun" weekend.

Recession

I sit at a desk right outside the cabin of the VP of my company's development division in India. And from yesterday, I have been watching people come and take a seat on the couch outside his cabin and wait for him see them. I didn't realise what was happening yesterday because of earphones and work.

Today morning I was told that 18 people were laid off yesterday from my facility. And that just on one floor. Some of whom I had said hi to just that morning while at breakfast.

I know that recession has been on for a while and that people have been losing jobs worldwide.
But it hit me only today!

Another guy, all teary faced, came and took a seat on the couch today.

And now, courtesy my damned seating location, I'm getting a front row view of the panic and fear and sadness on the faces of the people who were unfortunate enough to be called to the VP's cabin. Only to be escorted out of the building soon after like a felon.

I grew up as an Army child. And the only time I have ever heard of anyone being escorted out that disgracefully, is when they have been courtmarshalled. If you have preformed a serious and criminal offense against the Govt or people of India.

What's the average software engineer's or person's crime? Working their asses off to please often unpleasant superiors?

I don't like Corporations and I don't like it when deserving people get fired. I especially don't like my seat..

My Hattrick - where's my Hat?

Merriam Webster definition:
Main Entry : hat trick
Function : noun
Etymology : probably from the former practice of rewarding the feat with the gift of a hat
Date : 1877

1 : the retiring of three batsmen with three consecutive balls by a bowler in cricket
or
2 : the scoring of three goals in one game (as of hockey or soccer) by a single player
or
3 : a series of three victories, successes, or related accomplishments

Highway Rhapsodies definition:
Main Entry : hat trick
Function : to remind me of how stupid I can be
Etymology : probably from the day my geography teacher made me wear a "DUFUS" hat in 5th standard for not doing my homework(for the 3rd time) and made me stand in the corridor for God, the disapproving nuns, the laughing children and all His other holy creatures to see.
Date : 1994-till however long I continue to be stupid.

1 : 3 years lived by one person
and
2 : 3 people made friends by one person
and
3 : 3 complete disasters said person got caught in in said 3 years with said three "friends".

I'm just terrible with people.

This year my hat looks like this:


If this ever happens to me again, i'll be wearing this on my head as a hat:

Fed Up!

I am fed up of people who run around thinking you owe them a responsibility greater than being their friend.
Who don't realise that their actions not only make a huge impact on your own life, but also capable of embarrassing one in front of family.
Who think that they are entitled to disrupt delicate and deliberately maintained as aloof relationships you have had with people and make it a joke.
Who know that they are doing all of the above, and still go ahead and do it!

I refuse to apologise for reasons that tie me down. And if a friend cant understand that, then..

Get a clue!!

Good Byeee 6:30 am.. Helloooo 7 am..

After a long (i would add more 'o's to the "long".. but i think i overused the extra alphabets per word quota today with the title!!) stint at whitefield, I am heading back to my home office. Where my window seat has the direct view of the new construction and traffic clogged roads. Beautiful huh! Wait.. did I forget to mention that I can also see a tree? It has one leaf.

Jokes apart, Im really glad im heading back coz
a) Its my home office. Its where I can throw myself on the floor and throw tantrums and people would just step over me and go about their work.
b) I get to sleep a GLORIOUS half hour more.
c) I have been on this project from Sept 2007. I think I need a change. Like Flame throwing or something.
d) Because if one more person says MRP or VAT.. I'll scream!!!! (Retail terminology related to my product.. dont bother)
e) Because i will finally have the time to pick up that new Product my manager has been asking me to dive into. And may i add, is still patiently waiting for me to jump!
f) Because i can drink coffee.. from a real porcelein cup.. again!

Im hoping new work brings me inspiration. And also hoping, my company gives me more money :D

2009.. Bring me back!

The last few days i have been too distracted for writing anything intelligent. Courtesy New year's eve and Secret Santa and catching up with friends over the weekend.

Now that i feel i have collected myself.. I will utter my first intelligent words for 2009.. Bla mlu ge floof! :P And now i feel so much better.

The most dominating feeling I had when the count down to 2009 began was RELIEF; that it was over and will never happen to me again :) Amongst other feelings of loss, finding myself (or whatever it is that i found), distance, asserting myself (which i haven't done in ages) and disconnect.

I loved the way we brought in the New Year this time. It was exactly the way i had wanted it to be. I'm sorry that some other friends of mine could not join us and I just want them to know that i missed them :)



I know that New year calls for cheesy resolutions. And who am i to break the order of things created by God and His people? :D So here goes:

1. Lose 'x' kilos ( x is a variable that i will set at the end of the year based on how much i have actually lost) :D
2. Be more patient (Lord knows how!!)
3. Keep problems to myself. Even if the problem is with my own Fairy Godmother.
4. Do something extra special for friends and family who get me :)
5. Maybe learn a dance form (and this one is optional)


I wish for everyone that they figure out where they are going and that 2009 will bring them the luck and direction we are all hoping we get.

Have a wonderful year.. to everyone.. and me!

Because every family has a rat

What does one do who when a nosey relative tries to tell your mom that staying away from home is spoiling your child?

In all honesty, I deeply dislike this particular relative of mine. I find her stuck up and rather conservative. Also, she is infamous for putting her nose where it doesnt belong. Like this instance.

I know that most families have atleast one such character amongst them. You agree to see them only because your parents force you to and in every family function, you try your level best to dodge them each time they come near you.

No matter how much we blame the generation gap for differences between us and our parents, I have to admit that at some basic blueprint level, we're exactly like them. What's unfortunate is that the children of this annoying relative of mine are exactly like her. They somehow think its alright for them to be nosey because their parents do it.

I dont appreciate when people question my lifestyle choices. I especially dont appreciate when they question my parents for my lifestyle choices.

I sure was glad when my mom put her in her place by telling her that she has complete faith in me and that she wasnt worried.

So coming back to the original question- What does one do with such relatives?
If i were living in the medieval times, i would have called her a witch and watched the people burn her. Thats how much I dislike her.

But since im not in medieval ages and since her tadle-tale children are on my friends list in public forums, i have barred them from seeing any information or photos of mine; even though they are friends. And I hate blocking friends. I think its immature. But with weird family, i think its OK to bend the rules a little.

You know what I don't get.. Almost every person in my family is cool and open minded. How this one turned out to be a bad apple, I fail to understand. But if you're reading this, you are most probably thinking the same of atleast one such person in your family.

All I want for Christmas :D

The last few days, I have been running around making my pockets lighter and seeing doctors to fix
a) my tooth
b) wat appears by be my unstoppable ability to generate phlegm.
Yes!! Ur right! I'm very sexy and you know it :D

Turns out, I have Sinus problems. My doc says that such respiratory problems happen to people within 2-3 yrs of moving to Bangalore(esp if they come from warmer places). Now my eyebrows and cheekbones feel congested all the time. It feels like someone punched me and i haven't recovered.
I'm one decibel shy of a migraine all the time.

On another note, I sure am glad this year is coming to a close. It was an awfully long year with not-so-many wonderful things in it. In fact, some of the things that happened this year were down right awful. But im not going to mope about that here. Ill do that in my room with a huge box of tissues for my sinus discharges (don't think i cant see you making that face!! :P) and a huge migraine pill.
Like some teacher in school many many centuries ago once said "there's no use crying over spilled milk" ... or was it split milk.. i could never tell.

So one good thing we're doing towards the close of this year is "Secret Santa". Its fun how you can ask anybody in the group absolutely illogical questions to down right idiotic ones. And play along when someone asks you the same.

All I want for Christmas this year is Johnny Depp as Captain Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean costume running towards me with his arms and legs flailing about. I want to roll on the floor and laugh when i imagine it. Feel free to not laugh should you not find my fantasy funny :P

And the list of things I want for the new year are unending. Hopefully, im going to get atleast 5 of them :D
I wont tell which ones coz i don't want to jinx them.

Survivor

Hats off to the NSG boys for doing such a brilliant save. The whole country is proud.
What a wonderful sight it was to see them smiling when they came out.

I wish all the anti-social elements everywhere would learn what love for one's country and its people means - from them.

Control

Over the last few months, I have been working under circumstances where I am forced to work with teams who can only grant me limited access to things i have to do..Due to processes.. Things that i have always worked with full privileges.

And when you work ur butt off trying to make your work perfect and everything in proper place, the teams you are dependent on goes and screws things up. Its not that i dont like what i do. I love it. But it makes me mad as hell that every stage of my work is not executed by me. That I'm not in control till the end. That my work will not be perfect if ignorant people get their messy hands into it. Wrecks it!

Infuriating!!!

I have always wanted full control over anything I do.. personal or professional. Its so maddening that the things I do for the better part of my day during the week are the exact things I dont have full control over.

And this is especially inconvenient when I lose my temper. My friend told me to count upto "10 sheep jumping over the fence" and then talk, when I lose my temper.

I have not practiced it yet since when I'm that angry, all I want is to shove the fool's head in a can of smelly sea weed.

Conversation over lunch

A - S has put a really funny status message on gtalk
R - What is it?
A - What came first- Chicken or the egg?
R - What?
A - Chicken. Coz God would have looked stupid sitting on an egg.. (And she grins)

R meanwhile continues to look confused..After some thought she says..

R - But why would God look any less sillier sitting on a chicken??

A looks like she's about to stab herself with her fork and says..

A - U didnt not just say that!!??

Bibliography:
Haas - For using his style of writing conversations :P
Suntrupth - For putting that status message that proved to the world that I wear a black wig that covers my blonde hair
Myself - For being such a sport

Anyone wants a black wig with bouncy wavy hair? I dont need it anymore.. I am finally free to be silly.. :P

Dreaming of !Butterflies

Its late.. I'm really tired. And I'm writing a post about how I cant go to sleep. Yes.. Ms.Im-too-cool-U-dont-scare-me strikes again.. ugghh! If you see her.. please give her two tight slaps for me. She totally deserves it! You will know why in a few minutes.

I cant sleep because all of a sudden I have become scared of dreaming. The minute I think of something/someone unpleasant before sleeping, Bam!! I get nightmares. Really bad ones. I wake up in the morning feeling like i got hit by a truck and walking around like the Christmas Grinch. Snapping at people, making mistakes, totally neurotic.

And if the thoughts before sleep are happy ones, then.. oh hold thy breath!! blank!
Why cant I have dreams about being a superhero or a millionaire or winning the Nobel prize. OK OK.. maybe that's asking too much.. How about a simple garden with lots of flowers.. that sound reasonable? But nooo.. it has to be Grinch-syndrome dreams.

So if you see her.. Slap her!

I know there is a simple explanation.. maybe change my pillow.. eat an apple a day..or(my favourite option at the moment) knock myself unconscious when im ready to sleep.

Fear I shall not!

This one really freaked me out!

And 3 lil sentences are all it took

Did it blow the wind out of u?

Pop! goes the weasel

There are things you would talk about (without inhibitions) and things you dont want to talk about. The latter does not necessarily classify as a secret. Rather, doesnt it classify as a choice?

Because in my head, a secret is defined as a concept used only by High school children and Under Cover agents in espionage movies.

Having said that, recently I had the profound feeling of relief when I divulged the details of a rather unpleasant experience to a friend of mine. The incident had stayed successfully sealed and unspoken about for over a year. And the friend was someone whom I shared mostly everything with.

That feeling of relief came as a surprise to me and the whole incident was a surprise to my unsuspecting friend. Letting her know seemed like some load was lifted off my chest. I instantly felt like someone was there to keep my head straight if couldn't do it myself. Simultaneously, I felt guilty to having kept this silent charade for so long.

Among friends, should there be "classification of information"?

Bored

Saw the movie,Get Smart, last night with a bunch of friends. While I was trying to do salsa to the staccato of the rain ruining our supposed-to-be-fun evening, one of my other bored friends looked online for the movies screening in namma Bengalooru. Needless to say that the ones that were running could have put a fly to sleep. The only one running that seemed somewhat watchable and least likely to employ my slowly-rotting brain in an intellectual workout (yuck!! i hate that word), was Get Smart.

I was told that Rotten Tomatoes rates the movie at 53%. Well, I can tell you this... its exactly how much that movie should be rated.. Not one extra rotten tomato more ( or less.. maybe..something like that) :P

One more thing that I learnt.. the Chanel logo.. (Dont snicker u snobs!!!.. This is India... we dont have Chanel... we have hungry, homeless children running around and doing poopoo on the sidewalks..beat that!! India Shining :D eh?)

Observation:
My left shoe makes squeaky noises while I walk on carpet and my right shoe makes squeaky noises while I walk on tile..Hmmmm. I wonder if I should write a poem on that!?!

Clair de Lune

Through sheer accident and boredom, i came across this book in my room called "Clair de Lune".
First series of thoughts running through my head when i saw it:
Is that french?
Why is there a french book here??
wat does it mean?
Oh!! What the hell... i'll read it..

The book turned out to the life story of the French Composer, Claude Debussy. Clair De Lune means moonlight in French. It is one of his master pieces that he wrote during his days of acute poverty.

So far in the book, he has been severely irresponsible and lazy. His only saving grace is his genius for music. I have not yet finished reading the book. Somewhere towards the end of the book, there is promise of prosperity, love and good music paying off.

I am liking this book even more after I found the composition "Clair de Lune" on youtube.
On first hear, i was awed; and thats an understatement. It really feels like the musical interpretation of moonlight on a beautuful night.

After listening to grotesquely ugly songs lately, this was a wonderful reminder of heavenly music.

P.S: How wonderful it must feel to create something so beautiful as music!

Lost

I am sinning by not trying hard enough. Hence im being punished.

Time Changes Everything

Its so hard for you to let go of friends. One of my closest friends is leaving town tonight in pursuit of higher studies. We all knew from months before that she was leaving. But when the time drew near, it felt as if I was caught off guard. Everything seemed to be closing in too fast and suffocating me.

All the good times we had, all the little fun schemes we made, all the coffees, all the long and often over analytical conversations.. they all seem like a big mistake now. Because these little things eventually make you so dependent on your close friends, that parting is the most painful thing. If I could, I would much rather live like a hermit!

I'm gonna miss you like hell, Ms.Dramaqueen!

Jhumritalaiya jayega??!!

The most painful part about living in any Indian city and not having a car/bike is haggling with the autorickshaw walas. I was once watching a Travel and Living show called Travellers and they were doing a piece on kerala. They said that to drive in kerala u need the following:
good horn
good brakes
good luck

I think the above mentioned applies more to Bangalore than any other place I have ever been to. Parking, driving through cramped roads and fuel prices add to stress of owning a vehicle of your own. So you decide to throw out the car dreams and stick to auto- zindabad!

But nothing comes easy.These auto driving monsters have rules about everything.

They will not go close distances (less than 2 kms) even if it means they travel the same stretch empty. If you are desperate, you have to bribe them; sometimes 3 times the original amount.

If you ever have the mosfortune of taking a rick from an autorickshaw stand, you are doomed. They have all got their meters rigged, which means that you are easily about to pay atleast 20 bucks over the actual fare. Its always a better to flag a passing auto on the road. Again, thats just a safer bet.. nothing more.

I have observed that autos taken from areas such as Jayanagar, JPnagar, Bannerghatta, Banashankari etc cost more for a particular distance. For the same distance, autos from MG, Indiranagar, Richmond, Residency, Cox town etc cost less. Bottomline, auto walas from jayanagar and around areas are, mostly, all crooks.

Another observation I have made is that Muslim auto drivers are generally honest and have their meters working picture perfect. In an emergency, if you ever have to take a rick post 10 pm, you are most likely to be safest with them.

What else?! Oh! You are in luck, monetarily at least, if you select an auto with a digital meter. And if you do have the misfortune to get stuck with an old analog meter thats seems to go "clink" a lot faster than you fancy.. say your prayers.. u might as well have been looted by pirates.. it feels just as lousy!

One advice.. Dont feel shy to yell at them if you feel cheated beyond hope! If needed.. threaten to take them to the police.. better yet.. take them to the nearest traffic cop.

The good news is that.. well .. there is no good news when it comes to autos :D
So chin up and dont crib!