Crush

This is Lee Thompson Young. Everytime he comes on screen, I have a hard time concentrating on the dialogues because.. Well.. Its too hard to keep your eyes off HIS eyes!

In Scrubs, they describe him as the male Halle Berry. I'd say - Halle Berry can dream on! :P All the women are making googly eyes at him. Hell, I was making googly eyes at the screen when he came on!! And did I already mention I stop hearing dialogues once he comes on? And then I have to rewind and watch the scene over. Only to realise that I missed the dialogues.. AGAIN!

If I ever met him, I think I will become my neurotic 13 year old teenager self and screaammmmmm... "[Insert something stupid that only a teenager to would say to a crush]"

Sigh!! I'd like to be 13 again :D Unibrow and weird 90s clothing et all!

My cold rain

I'm moving out of Bangalore next weekend. For good!

Its the end of my free-spirited, I-live-by-my-own-rules, single life. Even though my life has more direction now, I can't help but feel a sense of loss. Like I'm leaving behind a huge part of my persona that I can never have again. The city grew on me and before I knew it, it got under my skin and into by blood. Of all the cities I have ever lived in my life, I found home here.

"You don't know how good you've got it until its taken away from you." Bam! This now hits me square in the face.

Forgive me for being all melodramatic and sappy. But I think after 5 years of a love affair with this city, it would be unnatural if I wasn't.

Every time I went to Chennai for a weekend or a long holiday with my parents, the minute I stepped foot in Bangalore, I used to breathe a sigh of relief. Not that Chennai was bad; I loved it. But Bangalore was where I felt like myself.

Richmond rd, Autowalla fights, endless drives to Whitefield, my friends-my solid, elation, appreciation, disappointments, Koshy's coffee, Kalmane coffee(however much I hate it), early mornings, high heels, my love-hate relationship with the gym, uncountable weekend getaways, basketball, my crushes (yeah! I'm human!), helplessness, loneliness, self-respect, independence, weekend hikes to Jayanagar, Commercial street shopping, butterflies in wallet, churmuri chat , lost relationships, rekindled friendships, late night McD burgers... every aspect of the human emotion there is.. I have come close to exploring it and loved every second of the experience.

Have you ever taken a road or turned a corner and suddenly your mind wanders to a certain incident that happened right there? Oh wait.. its called nostalgia! I have been experiencing so much of it that, in my mind, I literally have to tackle myself to the ground and slap myself silly so I can shake out of the trance.

I am gripped with panic and a strange sense of numbness. I don't want to let go and yet I want the week to get by faster. Its a good thing I have so much to get done this week. Or I would have been one weeping melting snotty mess. Allowing myself to think of all that I'm leaving behind will only make me spiral into depression. And that's not justice to my last week here. No Sir! It isn't!

After all this.. the sudden and abrupt end to it all.. is like cold rain from gray skies!

Second guessing yourself

Is shaking a trinket really the best way to make a baby stop crying? Is that really a solution to the reason why the baby cried in the first place.
That is probably the random-est thought I have had all day! Truth be told, that thought is hardly random. There is a root.

Most people have a way of writing off things they cant have as things they were never "meant" to have. It wasn't in their destiny! Really? How is that any different from a trinket shoved in a crying baby's face?

I can never be sure that the things I cant have are exactly the things that are best for me. Only, I will never know. Lost opportunities are just that. We accept what life offers as balm for the gaping holes that are the things you cant have.

Times in your life when you question everything, second guess your choices, analyse every last factor that becomes part of a decision making process; and still wonder - What if? Stopping yourself from falling into a spiral of all those unnerving thoughts stuck on repeat is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Maybe its too early for me to realise the wisdom of destiny. Maybe I'll never get it. Maybe I have some sort for chronic anxiety disorder and love torturing myself for no reason. And if that last possibility is my reality, then a trinket is just what I need.

Not knowing is a bitch!

The #$*@ing 2 P's I HATE!

Passages and Probability.

They lie. They deceive. They mislead. They promise you hope until you realise you have been tricked! They are the literary and mathematical equivalents of a really bad boyfriend!

Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! I want to write them on a giant Pie and stomp all over it! And then when I'm done stomping on them, I want to take a broom and whack them in every possible direction. And then when I'm done with that, I want to set the building on fire so there wont be any more of that STUPID shit left! EVER!

I want this to be over! :-/

Pin it up!

10 reasons to love summer

1. Hellooo!! Sunshine!
2. Short skirts
3. Beaches and Long Island Iced Teas (my personal favourite)
4. MANGO milkshake ... Yummy!
5. Open sandals
6. Full bloom flowers
7. Vacation (how I wish I were in school!! )
8. Ice cold water straight from the refrigerator
9. Long showers (And not feeling the icy sting of a cold draft in the bathroom)
10. Not having to worry about cold drafts anywhere!

Winters are so pale and dreary in comparison.
And the monsoons are pretty as long as I dont get caught in it.
But nothing beats the glory of a summer day! :D

So true!

I have always loved my wavy hair. And lately, i have noticed an increased rate of hair fall. Like a Golden-Retriever-on-Chemo rate.

I blame it on stress and taking too many things on at the same time. Or maybe its not the number of things you take on. Maybe its the worrying about the results (Like a friend recently pointed out).

Time to start the iron and vitamin tablets. That should take care of the hair.
But what is going to take care of the "Happy"? I think the doctor ordered for back-to-back episodes of the funnies and a new shoe. I can do that :D

Space..

.. is a weird thing. Simply because it has no definition.

CONTENTS ARE FRAGILE!

Ever since I have joined my new work place, I have noticed that usual manners that were exhibited so easily at my previous work place; are not so easy to come by here. Simple things like holding the lift if you see someone rushing towards it.. or holding a door for someone who looks like they have their hands full with a laptop, notebook, phone and other paraphernalia (or otherwise).. or waiting in queue without pushing the person standing in front of you (no matter how subtly).. or even.. leaving the toilet seat dry when you know that someone could be possibly waiting outside to use it (seriously.. I'm guessing toilets have been around for almost a century now.. how do people not know how to use it?? ). And its not just at work; its everywhere. But then again, thats just SOME people. And its quite possible that they are just having a bad day and don't have the patience for etiquettes or just don't realise. However, I do not think thats a valid excuse since etiquettes should come just as naturally to people as blinking.

So when I was doing my reading this morning, I came across this one line - "I should wear a shirt that reads, “CONTENTS ARE FRAGILE,” and actually that we should all wear that shirt, so that we can all remember to be kind to each other."

It totally hit home!! Its that simple.. Can it be more obvious?

The only thing that will make me feel better

Kicking back my heels on a lovely holiday at an awesome location with a book and lots of sunshine. Like the one above.
The photograph is from a Mila Jovovich photography shoot called Morning Beauty (Source : http://fashiongonerogue.com). The rest of the photos are also awesome. Not to mention Mila is simply gorgeous.

Considering my present condition where this annoying viral is totally kicking my butt and I barely have the energy to run a brush through my hair, it is refreshing to see such beautiful images.

Perfection!

On real life fairy tales

My friend, Roller-Coaster recently wrote a post called "does-persistence-pay". And I just had to add this story to substantiate.

A Bengali boy and a UP girl from IIT Kanpur started dating while they were in 2nd year. When the girl's parents found out, they cut off her allowance, her tuition fees, refused to respond to her phone calls and asked her not to come home. Her parents lived in Kanpur. I can only imagine her devastation. It must have felt like someone pulled the ground from beneath you. Her boyfriend then took up tuition classes to earn extra money for her college and allowance while her parents cut her off. And that's how they spent the remaining 3 years of college - supporting each other. When they graduated, they they both got good jobs and settled in Mumbai. Only after years of persistence did her parents finally agree to the alliance and they got married. The boy has gone beyond all his duties to help the girl's parents in every way possible despite the opposition they created at first.

Today, they are married, doing very well and happy. I am told that you can tell how madly in love they are with each other, just by looking at them.

True Story.

As told to me by a colleague who is a friend of the girl in the story.

I wonder if after seeing such rough times and getting through it together, if anyone can ever imagine separating at all. What choice do they have if the universe wants them to be together and happy? :)

Tammy and the Porcupine

During this conversation, my kid brother (I call him Tammy - pronounced Sammy like a 2 year old who cant really pronounce 'S' yet) is really mad at me and cannot even bear to look at me without wanting to hurl a large object at me. He decides to go on strike against the dessert in order to make his point and placate his ego.

Me : How much do you want this pudding? (just to bug him some more)
Tammy: As much as a monkey wants a banana.
Me: Oooo.. You really want it!
Tammy: Yes I really do!

Then he goes on to ignore both me and the pudding.

Me: You can be as angry with me as you want. But you're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
Tammy: Yeah right! As much as a porcupine is missed in a nudist colony!!

LOL!
No matter how grave a fight we're having, he never ceases to crack me up :D

We threw a few more wise ones back and forth at each other. After a bit, my dad comes, throws his towel on the table between Tammy and me.
His idea of literally throwing in the towel before things got too grave between Tammy and me! He he he !!

Energy

Sometimes, when things aren't going exactly as planned and you find yourself way behind all your targets and you visualize your plans being dangled on top of the pot like a fish ready to be flushed, I can imagine why people choose to live in the hills with a little farm and chickens.

I dont know what needs more energy - Dealing with the disappointment that is possible failure or stretching yourself more than you already are.
Both are equally hard and drain just as much out of you. Depending on what your benchmarks are, both can provide equal contentment.

I need more time. More hours in the day. Either that or realistic targets. I need people to stop pushing me around. I need to know what I want and actually WANT it and not console myself with the its-makes-most-sense explanation. I need to separate the logical from the emotional. I need to stop thinking about whats practical ALL the f*cking time and just let the mind feel.

I guess its like running. I just need to find my rhythm. And I need to do it fast.
2010.. Tough!

And a new year is upon us!

And I haven't accomplished a single task from this year's resolution list. Though, I have accomplished other stuff that weren't on the list. So in order to save myself any further beating, I'm NOT going to make a list of things to do for the next year.
I only expect 2 things from myself for the next year - contentment and gratitude.

While running the risk of sounding like a complete ass, these 2 specific things are very hard for me to achieve. I belong to the set of people who are never satisfied with what life has to offer. When life does give you exactly what you desire on a platter, I manage to find one flaw (atleast) and like I have been saying a lot these days; "Cant wrap my head around it". Contentment is hard for such people. But it must be found! Gratitude is a whole other story. While I am completely aware of the eleventy million awesome things that near and dear ones do for me, I sometimes find myself guilty of taking them for granted and not expressing my gratitude enough. Many a times I have caught myself thinking "how else?" and then berate myself for being so comfortable with it. That too will change!

This year was filled with a lot of very happy memories and events. I was a lot more at peace with myself and did quite a bit to find direction. At this point, even though I don't have the specifics, I atleast have a general plan and I want to see myself sticking to that in the coming year. Good things have happened for my family this past year. And I can only see things getting better. God willing, it will! Friends have borne wonderful news and many see themselves happier. And that's somehow comforting.

My life has gone through some minor changes - new apartment, new job, new plans. I started the year with a bang and I think the momentum kind of pushed me through the year. And whaddaya know!! Time flew and before you know it, you're picking out outfits for the next new year bash! I had a wonderful birthday and a lovely Christmas and hopefully a nice new year! I had the opportunity to catch up with some old friends that I hadn't seen in ages and saw them happier and much more zen!

It hasn't all been roses. There have been phases of sadness, fall-outs with friends, career dissatisfaction etc etc. But these are problems everyone has and are bound to happen. You just have to pick up the pieces and keep rolling. (Speaking of rolling, I have in renewed rigour, signed up for gym again! I'm not taking any bets on how long I will last)

The new year will no doubt find most of us on the precipice of.. ummm.. lets call it "something" for now. Whether that something will be good or not is completely dependent on our decisions and ability to realise what we really want. Wise men say that we must clear out the old in order to let new good things come into our lives. Come on, Good! I’m making lots of room.

So here's hoping that we all realise whatever-the-hec-it-is we want, without too much drama. And hoping that our decisions will lead us to "something" good!

Happy New year!

The Decision Dance

Note: Random rambling. May not make total sense. Sure as hell doesn't make sense to me!

If a person wants to buy a new laptop or TV or any other gadget, one would normally go to all the trusted brands and do a comparative study of all factors relevant to one's requirement. After a complete analysis, you decide on what you want and go get it. You know exactly what you are buying simply because what looks good on paper works for you! Minimum confusion. Maximum accuracy.

One can only wish everything in life was as simple as that. But things aren't always that black and white. Infact if there was a visual aid for life, it would look like a giant football field with a 1 mm wide periphery, the short sides are white and long sides are black. And ALL that space in the centre is grey. That's life!! One giant football field full of grey.

There are no right answers. Nothing you do or say will give you a 100/100. If you're lucky, it may look like a debate with the majority agreeing with you. And you walk away with the prize. Note: If you're lucky!

Anyways.. what was I saying?!? Decisions!! The thing with decisions is that if it affected only your life, it wouldn't be so confusing. But when you see how you're decisions affect the lives of others, that when it gets messy. And then you start this little flow chart in your head where you figure all your decision boxes and possible courses of actions. And I'll bet atleast once, in everyone's life, there will be a flow chart where whichever leg you take, the final outcome is always "You're screwed". Its one of those jokes that the universe thinks is funny. And you're NOT laughing!

What do you do? The decision dance.. you swing from one end of the decision box to the other.. Maybe I want to do this - No.. wait.. I want to do that - Hang on.. ummm.. I want the other thing - That - This - That - This.. You get the drift! It would atleast be a little fun if there was some music to go with it.. But all I can hear in my head is the devil's beat.

The challenge - To finally pin point on a course of action that doesn't result in a blitzkrieg.
The hope - To figure out what I want. And possibly, a cheat code.
The wish - To be 6 months old like my little niece whose only challenge in life is to grab both her feet and shove them in her mouth or.. do a double roll. How cool is her life!!

Another Passage

Tomorrow marks the last day I work at my present company. And even though I feel nothing about leaving or any personal attachment towards it, I'm still freaking out a little.

I remember when I gave the interview, I was not serious at all. And then I moved anyway. Now I'm leaving again. And it feels very different from the last time. A lot less nervous, not at all overwhelmed and it feels completely logical.

This company taught me one very important lesson:
No matter how much I bust my ass over work, the only person noticeably benefited is the CEO. And since he doesn't know my name or that I exist, my problems will never be real to him. Move on! Corporations don't appreciate philanthropy.

And yet, I'm feeling a little angsty.

I like to imagine that somewhere, future Resh is reading this and rolling over with laughter at present Resh's persistent naivety.

P.S: I really hope she's laughing.

Grey Gardens

Really wish this movie would come to India. I cannot wait to watch it. It seems like a classic!

"My mother gave me a completely priceless life."
-- "Little Edie" Beale, 1917-2002

If anyone has access to a soft copy or CD or anything, let me know.

Be still my heart!

Dear Man with his head up his Butt,


I hope that the next time you take your little fighter jet out for a spin, you crash!! Why don't you find some man size pants and stop hiding under a skirt called recession!?!

No Love,
Reshma


On another note, I'm presently lusting these Balmian beauties.. only I can never afford them!! Not yet atleast :P

Diwali

The festival of lights. The city looks gorgeous but sounds like a battleground. If one lived in hole and wasn't aware what day it was, it would be pretty believable that there was a war going on.

On that note, hoping everyone is having a Happy and Safe Diwali!

P.S: Loving all the mithai and hoping to burn some noiseless pretty crackers tomorrow :)

Busting some stress

Christian Louboutin centred by reshmakoshy featuring Christian Louboutin shoes

It all started with those Christian Louboutin shoes. And along came the Valentino satin clutch... and then it was as if I was sleep walking.

I'm feeling so much better now! :D Even if it is virtual :P