2009.. Bring me back!

The last few days i have been too distracted for writing anything intelligent. Courtesy New year's eve and Secret Santa and catching up with friends over the weekend.

Now that i feel i have collected myself.. I will utter my first intelligent words for 2009.. Bla mlu ge floof! :P And now i feel so much better.

The most dominating feeling I had when the count down to 2009 began was RELIEF; that it was over and will never happen to me again :) Amongst other feelings of loss, finding myself (or whatever it is that i found), distance, asserting myself (which i haven't done in ages) and disconnect.

I loved the way we brought in the New Year this time. It was exactly the way i had wanted it to be. I'm sorry that some other friends of mine could not join us and I just want them to know that i missed them :)



I know that New year calls for cheesy resolutions. And who am i to break the order of things created by God and His people? :D So here goes:

1. Lose 'x' kilos ( x is a variable that i will set at the end of the year based on how much i have actually lost) :D
2. Be more patient (Lord knows how!!)
3. Keep problems to myself. Even if the problem is with my own Fairy Godmother.
4. Do something extra special for friends and family who get me :)
5. Maybe learn a dance form (and this one is optional)


I wish for everyone that they figure out where they are going and that 2009 will bring them the luck and direction we are all hoping we get.

Have a wonderful year.. to everyone.. and me!

Because every family has a rat

What does one do who when a nosey relative tries to tell your mom that staying away from home is spoiling your child?

In all honesty, I deeply dislike this particular relative of mine. I find her stuck up and rather conservative. Also, she is infamous for putting her nose where it doesnt belong. Like this instance.

I know that most families have atleast one such character amongst them. You agree to see them only because your parents force you to and in every family function, you try your level best to dodge them each time they come near you.

No matter how much we blame the generation gap for differences between us and our parents, I have to admit that at some basic blueprint level, we're exactly like them. What's unfortunate is that the children of this annoying relative of mine are exactly like her. They somehow think its alright for them to be nosey because their parents do it.

I dont appreciate when people question my lifestyle choices. I especially dont appreciate when they question my parents for my lifestyle choices.

I sure was glad when my mom put her in her place by telling her that she has complete faith in me and that she wasnt worried.

So coming back to the original question- What does one do with such relatives?
If i were living in the medieval times, i would have called her a witch and watched the people burn her. Thats how much I dislike her.

But since im not in medieval ages and since her tadle-tale children are on my friends list in public forums, i have barred them from seeing any information or photos of mine; even though they are friends. And I hate blocking friends. I think its immature. But with weird family, i think its OK to bend the rules a little.

You know what I don't get.. Almost every person in my family is cool and open minded. How this one turned out to be a bad apple, I fail to understand. But if you're reading this, you are most probably thinking the same of atleast one such person in your family.

All I want for Christmas :D

The last few days, I have been running around making my pockets lighter and seeing doctors to fix
a) my tooth
b) wat appears by be my unstoppable ability to generate phlegm.
Yes!! Ur right! I'm very sexy and you know it :D

Turns out, I have Sinus problems. My doc says that such respiratory problems happen to people within 2-3 yrs of moving to Bangalore(esp if they come from warmer places). Now my eyebrows and cheekbones feel congested all the time. It feels like someone punched me and i haven't recovered.
I'm one decibel shy of a migraine all the time.

On another note, I sure am glad this year is coming to a close. It was an awfully long year with not-so-many wonderful things in it. In fact, some of the things that happened this year were down right awful. But im not going to mope about that here. Ill do that in my room with a huge box of tissues for my sinus discharges (don't think i cant see you making that face!! :P) and a huge migraine pill.
Like some teacher in school many many centuries ago once said "there's no use crying over spilled milk" ... or was it split milk.. i could never tell.

So one good thing we're doing towards the close of this year is "Secret Santa". Its fun how you can ask anybody in the group absolutely illogical questions to down right idiotic ones. And play along when someone asks you the same.

All I want for Christmas this year is Johnny Depp as Captain Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean costume running towards me with his arms and legs flailing about. I want to roll on the floor and laugh when i imagine it. Feel free to not laugh should you not find my fantasy funny :P

And the list of things I want for the new year are unending. Hopefully, im going to get atleast 5 of them :D
I wont tell which ones coz i don't want to jinx them.

Survivor

Hats off to the NSG boys for doing such a brilliant save. The whole country is proud.
What a wonderful sight it was to see them smiling when they came out.

I wish all the anti-social elements everywhere would learn what love for one's country and its people means - from them.

Control

Over the last few months, I have been working under circumstances where I am forced to work with teams who can only grant me limited access to things i have to do..Due to processes.. Things that i have always worked with full privileges.

And when you work ur butt off trying to make your work perfect and everything in proper place, the teams you are dependent on goes and screws things up. Its not that i dont like what i do. I love it. But it makes me mad as hell that every stage of my work is not executed by me. That I'm not in control till the end. That my work will not be perfect if ignorant people get their messy hands into it. Wrecks it!

Infuriating!!!

I have always wanted full control over anything I do.. personal or professional. Its so maddening that the things I do for the better part of my day during the week are the exact things I dont have full control over.

And this is especially inconvenient when I lose my temper. My friend told me to count upto "10 sheep jumping over the fence" and then talk, when I lose my temper.

I have not practiced it yet since when I'm that angry, all I want is to shove the fool's head in a can of smelly sea weed.

Conversation over lunch

A - S has put a really funny status message on gtalk
R - What is it?
A - What came first- Chicken or the egg?
R - What?
A - Chicken. Coz God would have looked stupid sitting on an egg.. (And she grins)

R meanwhile continues to look confused..After some thought she says..

R - But why would God look any less sillier sitting on a chicken??

A looks like she's about to stab herself with her fork and says..

A - U didnt not just say that!!??

Bibliography:
Haas - For using his style of writing conversations :P
Suntrupth - For putting that status message that proved to the world that I wear a black wig that covers my blonde hair
Myself - For being such a sport

Anyone wants a black wig with bouncy wavy hair? I dont need it anymore.. I am finally free to be silly.. :P

Dreaming of !Butterflies

Its late.. I'm really tired. And I'm writing a post about how I cant go to sleep. Yes.. Ms.Im-too-cool-U-dont-scare-me strikes again.. ugghh! If you see her.. please give her two tight slaps for me. She totally deserves it! You will know why in a few minutes.

I cant sleep because all of a sudden I have become scared of dreaming. The minute I think of something/someone unpleasant before sleeping, Bam!! I get nightmares. Really bad ones. I wake up in the morning feeling like i got hit by a truck and walking around like the Christmas Grinch. Snapping at people, making mistakes, totally neurotic.

And if the thoughts before sleep are happy ones, then.. oh hold thy breath!! blank!
Why cant I have dreams about being a superhero or a millionaire or winning the Nobel prize. OK OK.. maybe that's asking too much.. How about a simple garden with lots of flowers.. that sound reasonable? But nooo.. it has to be Grinch-syndrome dreams.

So if you see her.. Slap her!

I know there is a simple explanation.. maybe change my pillow.. eat an apple a day..or(my favourite option at the moment) knock myself unconscious when im ready to sleep.

Fear I shall not!

This one really freaked me out!

And 3 lil sentences are all it took

Did it blow the wind out of u?

Pop! goes the weasel

There are things you would talk about (without inhibitions) and things you dont want to talk about. The latter does not necessarily classify as a secret. Rather, doesnt it classify as a choice?

Because in my head, a secret is defined as a concept used only by High school children and Under Cover agents in espionage movies.

Having said that, recently I had the profound feeling of relief when I divulged the details of a rather unpleasant experience to a friend of mine. The incident had stayed successfully sealed and unspoken about for over a year. And the friend was someone whom I shared mostly everything with.

That feeling of relief came as a surprise to me and the whole incident was a surprise to my unsuspecting friend. Letting her know seemed like some load was lifted off my chest. I instantly felt like someone was there to keep my head straight if couldn't do it myself. Simultaneously, I felt guilty to having kept this silent charade for so long.

Among friends, should there be "classification of information"?

Bored

Saw the movie,Get Smart, last night with a bunch of friends. While I was trying to do salsa to the staccato of the rain ruining our supposed-to-be-fun evening, one of my other bored friends looked online for the movies screening in namma Bengalooru. Needless to say that the ones that were running could have put a fly to sleep. The only one running that seemed somewhat watchable and least likely to employ my slowly-rotting brain in an intellectual workout (yuck!! i hate that word), was Get Smart.

I was told that Rotten Tomatoes rates the movie at 53%. Well, I can tell you this... its exactly how much that movie should be rated.. Not one extra rotten tomato more ( or less.. maybe..something like that) :P

One more thing that I learnt.. the Chanel logo.. (Dont snicker u snobs!!!.. This is India... we dont have Chanel... we have hungry, homeless children running around and doing poopoo on the sidewalks..beat that!! India Shining :D eh?)

Observation:
My left shoe makes squeaky noises while I walk on carpet and my right shoe makes squeaky noises while I walk on tile..Hmmmm. I wonder if I should write a poem on that!?!

Clair de Lune

Through sheer accident and boredom, i came across this book in my room called "Clair de Lune".
First series of thoughts running through my head when i saw it:
Is that french?
Why is there a french book here??
wat does it mean?
Oh!! What the hell... i'll read it..

The book turned out to the life story of the French Composer, Claude Debussy. Clair De Lune means moonlight in French. It is one of his master pieces that he wrote during his days of acute poverty.

So far in the book, he has been severely irresponsible and lazy. His only saving grace is his genius for music. I have not yet finished reading the book. Somewhere towards the end of the book, there is promise of prosperity, love and good music paying off.

I am liking this book even more after I found the composition "Clair de Lune" on youtube.
On first hear, i was awed; and thats an understatement. It really feels like the musical interpretation of moonlight on a beautuful night.

After listening to grotesquely ugly songs lately, this was a wonderful reminder of heavenly music.

P.S: How wonderful it must feel to create something so beautiful as music!

Lost

I am sinning by not trying hard enough. Hence im being punished.

Time Changes Everything

Its so hard for you to let go of friends. One of my closest friends is leaving town tonight in pursuit of higher studies. We all knew from months before that she was leaving. But when the time drew near, it felt as if I was caught off guard. Everything seemed to be closing in too fast and suffocating me.

All the good times we had, all the little fun schemes we made, all the coffees, all the long and often over analytical conversations.. they all seem like a big mistake now. Because these little things eventually make you so dependent on your close friends, that parting is the most painful thing. If I could, I would much rather live like a hermit!

I'm gonna miss you like hell, Ms.Dramaqueen!

Jhumritalaiya jayega??!!

The most painful part about living in any Indian city and not having a car/bike is haggling with the autorickshaw walas. I was once watching a Travel and Living show called Travellers and they were doing a piece on kerala. They said that to drive in kerala u need the following:
good horn
good brakes
good luck

I think the above mentioned applies more to Bangalore than any other place I have ever been to. Parking, driving through cramped roads and fuel prices add to stress of owning a vehicle of your own. So you decide to throw out the car dreams and stick to auto- zindabad!

But nothing comes easy.These auto driving monsters have rules about everything.

They will not go close distances (less than 2 kms) even if it means they travel the same stretch empty. If you are desperate, you have to bribe them; sometimes 3 times the original amount.

If you ever have the mosfortune of taking a rick from an autorickshaw stand, you are doomed. They have all got their meters rigged, which means that you are easily about to pay atleast 20 bucks over the actual fare. Its always a better to flag a passing auto on the road. Again, thats just a safer bet.. nothing more.

I have observed that autos taken from areas such as Jayanagar, JPnagar, Bannerghatta, Banashankari etc cost more for a particular distance. For the same distance, autos from MG, Indiranagar, Richmond, Residency, Cox town etc cost less. Bottomline, auto walas from jayanagar and around areas are, mostly, all crooks.

Another observation I have made is that Muslim auto drivers are generally honest and have their meters working picture perfect. In an emergency, if you ever have to take a rick post 10 pm, you are most likely to be safest with them.

What else?! Oh! You are in luck, monetarily at least, if you select an auto with a digital meter. And if you do have the misfortune to get stuck with an old analog meter thats seems to go "clink" a lot faster than you fancy.. say your prayers.. u might as well have been looted by pirates.. it feels just as lousy!

One advice.. Dont feel shy to yell at them if you feel cheated beyond hope! If needed.. threaten to take them to the police.. better yet.. take them to the nearest traffic cop.

The good news is that.. well .. there is no good news when it comes to autos :D
So chin up and dont crib!

Unpretty

Some of the most beautiful people are capable of doing things so unpretty; that they amaze you (in a not nice way). I know what you are thinking. What does beauty have to do with humanity? You're right. It has nothing to do with it.But you have to admit that 7 out of 10 times, we like people because of the way they look..in the beginning at least. And the rest of the time, we hope that they dont let down the first impression we had about them. Most of them do.

This entry is not about first impressions. Its not about beauty. Its not about humanity.This entry is about all three in combination.

Living in bangalore, I have met my fair share of all kinds of people. Over time, I realised one thing - Do not be surprised of what people are capable of doing!

Some people you thought as decent, despite your differences, prove themselves not worth the tag "decent". A simple small affair such as refusing your roommate to throw a birthday party in combination with someone you have differences with; thereby ruining somebody's birthday.. wait a sec.. thats a huge affair. Because its not about the party or the people. Its about the day. A day that already deppresses you because it symbolizes the growing distance between you and all thats free spirited, childish and happy.

Doing anything to ruin somebody's birthday.. even if the person is someone you hate.. now thats just plain unpretty!

This entry is about the final impression. This entry is about being decent!

Hell hath no mercy! .. atleast on me

Things that i cannot do:

1. cant say NO to people
2. cant get myself to be proactive about things in my life
3. cant wake up early in the mornings
4. cant stop myself from being stupid in many situations
5. cant exercise
6. cant take a bus
7. cant become friendly easily
8. cant learn new languages fast
9. cant calculate numbers fast
10. cant say anything intelligent when someone cries
11. cant confront people in difficult situationscant be dainty, oversweet or overtly girlish
12. cant tolerate people who are like the previous point
13. cant get angry easily
14. cant stop myself from blowing my top and the head of the person at the receiving end, when i do get angry

Things are not looking very good. But out of all the things that i cant do, my temper is the one thing thats really scaring me.

Here is my weekend( and week beginning) temper log:

Friday:
Almost yelled at a very good friend of mine. Thank God.. i didnt

Saturday:
Wanted to break a random guy's camera coz i thought he was taking pictures of us.
Yelled at another guy and would have slapped him if i wasnt locked in the back seat of the Qualis

Monday:
Threw a "rather controlled" tantrum when i reached office and realised that all the team members had been allocated new seats and the seat that was assigned to me was occupied by someone else who had been sitting there for the last 3 months. I pretty much managed to scare the crap out of that guy and the rest of my team members.

Like i said.. things are looking pretty bad.

Google

As amazing as it is.. one of the most powerful search engines. Amongst most industries, i think the software industry would be hit most seriously if Google didnt exist.

But even Google has its share of odd bugs. The one bug that recently came to my notice was this:

If you type "she invented" and hit search, Google gets back to you saying "Did you mean: he invented ".

Now why on earth would google think that i meant "he invented"??? I know what i typed!!! just gimme search results for what i asked for.

But nooooooo.. even a a damn search engine has to be a chauvinist.

P.S: Work load is less :D Therefore, the research on Google.

Other side of the world

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

And the fire fades away
Most of everyday Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're on the other side of the world to me

KT Tunstall..pure brilliance!

Flipside

When something gets screwed up.. its not just 1 thing that goes wrong.. but a a minimum of 3 go wrong in succession.

Albeit, there is a sunny side to everything... even things that go wrong..

Borderline

A Dream:

I am sitting in a garden overlooking the valley. I have been warned not to go to the garden for it is dangerous. It reminds me of my house in Aizwal when i was in kindegarden. A woman is taking pictures of me. Im sitting next to a bed of pansies. I am happy. I cannot ask for a anything more. The sky looks beautiful. The clouds look like they are touching the roof tops of the houses in the valley. There are large eagles flying high in the sky. A large eagle is flying very close to us. On second look, it looks larger then i imagined it to be. I look behind to look at the clouds and the valley. I turn around and the woman is gone. I look up in the sky and the eagle is clutching her and flying away. I scream. I realize that i am not in the garden anymore. I am standing in desert now. i am thinking- what have i got myself into?

A memory:

June 2005,Bangalore
Its a mildly cold morning. My mom is packing her bags to go back home. I am gripped in fear and anxiousness and excitement all at the same time. This is the first time i will be living on my own. My mom is giving me her regular set of instructions. I walk her out to the main road. We find a rick together. I help her with her luggage. She hugs me and gets inside. I am standing on the road watching the rick pull away. I am trying to be brave and feeling a huge lump form in my throat, thinking- what have i got myself into?

Collide!