Hitch Twitch

Today,I played love-doctor to a couple of friends of mine (i know wat ur thinking.. couple of them wanted to talk to u on the same day?? .. wat can i say.. must have been one of those all-planets-aligned day ).

One of them actually said and I Quote:

him: resh resh.. you can wear a saffron sari carry some ash.. and start giving blessings with some advice

him: people will worship you
you can earn a lot

me: shut up..
dont make fun of me
im serious..

him: everytime i turn to you for advice..not joking..everytime i turn to you for advice, you say something really nice that makes me think

Unquote

Lol.. Picturing myself like that makes me feel like a fraud.
Me.. giving advice..on relationships...Im a walking talking Hiroshima in that department. :P

Ironically, My Today's fortune: Time is the wisest counselor

Wonder why im still so confused!! Floof :D

Chisel

My lifestyle and working conditions have resulted in catastrophic reactions on my body.. namely..

1. my jeans fit me a little too snug for comfort..
   


2. i pant like a bloody dog if i run so much as 10 feet..
   


3. i have become lazy beyond hope..
   


4. and all i ever eat now a days is absolutely unhealthy food.

I have recently realised that all the excess baggage accumulating on my body is not going to magically disappear by folding my hands and blinking once.So i looked at myself long and hard one day and decided that the ways of the glotton and sloth have to change. And I dont have the will power to do it on my own.

Personally, I hate exercise. I hate entering a gym even more. The treadmill is the absolute worst.. i mean .. come on!! ur running and running and not reaching anywhere!! Its the most frustrating way to lose weight and get healthy. I would much rather run on the street if it weren't for all those goddamn dogs on the roads all over town.. and all the recent news about the street dogs attacking people has done little to comfort my paranoia.

So i decided to enroll with Chisel for their Aerobics programme. I figured that would be more my speed as all i ever imagined people doing in aerobics is happily jumping up and down with high energy music in the background.. almost like dance. And dancing is something i enjoy a lot. So why not aerobics?

The first day i showed up with a friend for the session..full of enthusiasm.. all excited about the new 'good thing' i was going to start. The instructor asked me to start slow and take breaks whenever i felt like.. He kept stressing on "SLOW!!"

Within 15 minutes, i wanted to DROP DEAD!! In my head i was thinking " Why God?? Why me??" ..I was cursing the instructor.. myself.. the damn music.. everything.. im sure if the Pope had stood in front of me right then .. i would have cursed him as well..

The instructor saw my wretchedness and called out "Yo.. first day first show!! take it slow" and gave me a big smile that said "ur gonna kill yourself if u dont listen to me.. the Almighty!!" !! I wanted to right hook him then and there.. then jump on him like i would jump on a trampolien. All i did was smile back and showed him a thumbs up (Although I wanted to show him the middle finger!!)

Within 30 minutes.. I was panting.. dripping with sweat.. and stopping the routine every 5 minutes (Sometimes out of exhaustion.. but more often because i did not know what the hell the cues were )

By the time the workout was over .. I wanted to pass out right there on the fitness mat where i did my crunches. Oh dear Lord!! I felt like my whole life was flashing before my eyes and i would never see daylight again.. LOL.. this feeling lasted 10 minutes. Once i was outside breathing fresh air ( aka. exhaust from vehicles on richmond road during peak hour), i was glad i came out of that alive..

All of the above description may sound like gross exaggeration. But a workout like that is more tiring than 2 hours of fierce basketball(which is that max I can do!) and not as easy as it looks.

After a few more sessions, the extent of my agony has reduced . I still miss a lot of cues.. I still cant match the pace of the class and need to take quick breaks to catch my breath.. but all in all.. going good :)

Frog in the Throat

I am pretty sure almost everybody has been in this peculiar situation where you feel like the words that you want to say just get stuck in your throat .. to the point where you feel like you may just choke.

For the remaining who have never been in such a situation.. I have one question..
How the hell are you still alive after spending your whole life shooting your mouth off like that??!!

Its a pretty unnerving situation to be in.. especially when you come close to the point where you might pick up something and hurl it at the person involved ..or worse.. say wats on your mind!!

And then you daydream that you finally give diplomacy the boot.. and decide for once to stand up and speak .. come what may.. coz in your mind you have decided that the consequences, no matter how grave, are better than sitting around like a chicken. Then you hear the entire choir orchestra in your head.. and you are thinking.. I have finally been exalted.. I dont have to suffer the burden of my knowledge anymore.. salvation!!

And when the moment of truth arrives.. I hear myself saying..
"Hey.. Howz it goin?? " with a slight nonchalant tilt of my head as I engage in idle conversation and later walk away..
And yet again in my head.. I hear the looney tunes soundtrack as I drown back into the well where the frog lives..no redemption..no exaltation..no salvation..only chicken!!

Breaking In..

Theives break into houses through the front doors.. i have heard of that..
The owner breaks into the house through the back door.. i have never heard of that .. but i have dont that :P

Sunday night when i got back home after a long day spent out doing odd things, i realised that i could not let myself in..Its 11 pm in the damned night.. no electricity.. and im stuck outside my house.. alone.. with no way of getting in coz an additional latch had slipped accidentally and locked from inside and i didnt have the keys to that.

First thing that sets in is panic.. with a lot of pushing and shoving.. but no use whatsoever. I called my flatmate, only to find out that she is atleast 1 hour away from home and out of town..and thats being optimistic.

I went downstairs to call the watchman and see if he could help me out. He told me that nothing could be done till morning since there was no electricity and all he had was a rickety ladder. The image of me sleeping on the street flashes before my eyes and i started panicing even more.. So i dialed a few numbers and could not reach anyone..and all i could manage to say was F%&#!!!

I finally convinced the watchman to climb on my balcony, break the glass pane on the door, unlatch the door to my room from inside and open the front door after entering the house. I gratefully paid him some money for his efforts and sent him away..

Then i saw the sight that made me wanna pack my bags and go back home to mommy. My room was covered in glass pieces..from one end to the other.. the bed.. the carpet.. the desk.. the couch.. the shelves on the other end of the wall.. everything!!!!!!

I wanted to scream and break more glass.. and start cleaning and weep .. all at the same time..

I settled for howling like a freaking cry baby for the first 15 min standing at my door and taking in the sight.. then i started cleaning.. by the time i was done.. it was 1 am.. and i passed out wen i finally fell into bed..

I have been in a continuous bad mood ever since then.

But the face that made me really happy was the carpenter's who showed up last night to fix my door.. never have i been so happy to see anyone as i was when i saw that nice old man :D

Fortune Cookie

Good things are being said about you.... says my fortune for the day.

I dont care..
I'm just very very tired.
And sleep cant ease it.

Sainthood

Episode #1:

I was getting back home one night from work..When i got off in front of my house, a bunch of kids (not more than 8 years old) came running to me and said

"Bhookh lagi hai.. kuch de do"..

At first i thought that some person must be using the kids to make money by begging..But then the youngest kid pointed in the direction of the fruit shop opposite my house and said : "bhookh lagi hai.. khaana de do.. bread chahiye"

My heart broke looking at those kids wandering on the street asking strangers for food..I took them to the fruit shop and bought them bread and some fruits.. and walked back home wondering who takes care of them..

Episode #2:

I walk into the house, pick up the newspaper, walk out to the balcony to look at the children. Front page news:

Britney Spears shaves her head and gets new tattoos because her hair dresser refused to go along with her extreme makeover.

whats more real to you? the hungry children out on the street in real flesh and blood or a bald Britney Spears in tinsel town?

Yet.. she makes the headlines!!when the really inspiring stories are the lives of those children i was looking at on the street. The children unfortunately will remain unnoticed living their hard lives without complaining and without glory.

Ironic!

Its time to appreciate the efforts made by Mother Teresa and the others like her.She was named a Saint of the Catholic Church last night.

For many, she was a Saint the minute they met her.

A typical Bangalore Mail experience

I board the train at 11pm. The train is scheduled to depart at 11:15pm.

As soon as i stop in front of my seat.. i am struck with absolute confusion.. It looked like the cast of the Brady bunch had been let loose inside my compartment..

Mental State : Good GOD!!

I took 10 deep breaths, shoved my bag underneath the seat and went outside to chat a while longer with mom ( Meanwhile.. the driver is sitting on a bench looking completely exasperated and sleepy).

Finally, after 10 minutes of lecturing by my mom and looking at general junta.. the train shows signs of motion and i quickly duck into it ( after hugging mom and throwing a dozen air kisses at her :D)

When i come back.. Lo!! and Behold!! The question running thru my mind is
wat is this?? Noah's ark??

In a compartment that should not seat more than 6 people, i see 8 people seated ( N.B: not including me). After giving all the shameless men folk some nasty glares, i managed to get 3 of them move elsewhere.

The fun part is still starting..this huge family ( im guessing Gujju!!) has occupied the whole freaking bogie.. on top of that.. they plan to have a seista fit for royalty themselves at an unearthly 11:30 pm in the middle of a train.. Next thing i know.. there are people shouting.. babies screaming.. plates containing food being relayed across the bogie..Even the TT happily decides to join the freaking circus and gorge on the food without checking our tickets first. ASS

Mental state: Signs of a Migraine beginning to kick in

Im already sleepy and cranky..the freaking mental cases from NIMHANS have been let loose..A weird kinda man( im guessing.. a little retarded) started playing THE most deppressing hindi songs on his cellphone at midnight.

Mental State: Full fledged Migraine

I think what most Indains lack is respect for other people's personal space and time

Simple!

Woke up today morning.. all groggy and hung over!!

Highlights of 7th Jan night @ The Beach:

1. free entry for women :) yaay
2. tribal night theme
3. whacko friends
4. broke up a fight that one of the guys in our group picked up with another hammered weirdo
5. funny dancing.. he he ..
6. photographed by the indivibe.com guys (Click http://www.indivibe.com/index-3.html for Photographs)

But prize-winning part was wen i woke up in the morning and saw a message written on my hand by a friend of mine:

U r a damn sweet gal

i dunno when he wrote it... i dont remember..Its really nice when someone does something so sweet and unexpected..

Ur a really sweet guy too anup!! :D Bless you

Awesome morning!!

Blind Spot

I was at dinner with friends when something that a friend of mine voiced as a casual observation about me totally blew me away..

he said and i quote "You attach emotions to everything". All those who know me well will endorse the fact that im not an emotional person..that i will run away from anything that is even remotely emotional in nature..

but little things that i say like..this pizza tastes "funny" .. or.. the cup looks "deppressing"..or..lemon breezer is a "happy" drink..

Although you are quite aware of your actions.. there is a part in your personality that you are not aware of.. that only others see..This area is called the "Blind" area according to psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham.They came up with the JoHari Window concept which is widely used by psychologists for personality mapping awareness.

Its really quite ironic becuse you walk around thinking that you know everything there is to know about yourself.. and then.. WHAM!!! ..someone slaps you and makes you realise that you know as little about yourself as anyone else.. that maybe others understand you better that you!
.. and you thought you knew it all!!;)

P.S: If you think you know something about me that i dont know of.. let me know..

Silent Reverie

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybeI’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

-Sarah McLachlan

Its a depressing song..
The only sounds are the organ piano and a her gothic voice..
but i have never heard anything more beautiful..

Desire Vs Morals

I believe that all people are constitutionally good.. that their foundation is morally sound. but every now and then we face situations when we want something so badly that we ignore all the moral science lessons from school...all that our elders tell us about being righteous and being fair to everyone goes out the window.

Its not that they are bad or have no values.. its just that impulse and desire to get what they want takes over so strongly that one would go to any lengths to go get it. Any means necessary are taken. So does that move made on an impulse brand them as ethically unsound.. unvirtuous??

Who decides what we do as right or wrong? the society? our parents? or school moral science teacher? Our scriptures? or us.. our inner voice? I want to think thats its our inner voice.. but what influences our soul?..this inner voice .. i have been told that a large part of this influence comes from the way we have been brought up..our culture..our surroundings.I agree with what has been told to me so far because i have not heard a more convincing explanation yet. So if you really think about it, its a full circle.

But doesnt that make you wonder why so many people go astray..why the crime rates still continue to increase and why people still cheat and lie?

Generically speaking.. almost all of us are from the same culture..no matter what language we speak or which state we belong to. All parents hope to see their children grow up to be law abiding, ethical citizens of a country. Then where do things go wrong?

The Bible says that if you are righteous and virtuous, then you will go to heaven.. otherwise you will be sent to hell.. Other scriptures speak on similar lines. The Law says that if you abide by the rules, then you can lead a free life .. otherwise you will be sent to jail.. Since most of the population is broadly classified under two categories- The God fearing and the Atheists.. Whatever anyone may chose to be.. the above two statements should ideally deter them from doing anything sinful or illegal. Yet, there are exceptions, the ones who choose to defy all that is right and just, the antisocial elements of society. Where does their inner voice go? Why do they do what they do.. I refuse to believe that they were born bad apples..but how did they become rotten?

What if i do something that does not harm anybody materially, to achieve that which gives me happiness. Does it make me a bad person because for once i put myself before others? Because for once i put preference to my personal good before the common good.. for once i decided not to be a saint? Just because we are expected to be one at all times.. we put up a facade. It makes me feel like i'm cheating everyone more than ever because every cell in me wants something else and i'm doing something that is politically and ethically correct because i'm expected to do so.

So bottom line is.. When i do the right thing, i'm cheating everyone because i'm putting up a facade thereby making me feel guilty. And when i do what my heart desires, everyone else thinks im a cheat thereby making me feel guilty all over again.

The difference in guilt, as i see it, in the two cases is that in the first case, im not being honest with myself or anyone else. In the second case i am being honest about what i really want with myself and with everyone else. End result is the same. Free will has just died.. under moral obligations.

As i understand it, you can never do anything as you please to because at some point or other your decisions affect and influence others. And if there is the slightest possibility that it may cause heartache or loss or even a sneeze.. you have to rollback everything that you planned. Becuase you are a good person.. because you have ethics.. because you cannot break their heart.. But what about "your" heart?

mauve or purple??

Most boys do not know the difference between the two colours.. mauve and purple.. and when asked to venture a guess, they come up with THE most absurd answers..Here is an example...

Ji*** says: Hmmm.. arent they the same?? ( I'm thinking.. sure.. watever makes u happy :D)

Dhi***says: This is a trick question.. i refuse to answer.. (playing it safe huh???)

Jo*** says: mauve is a kind of guava that grows in goa.. it is very soft to touch and turns orange as it ripens ( ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.. Jonas.. u are the cutest !!)

A***(Smashed beyond hope ..points to a random direction and) says: mauve is that way.. and
purple is - i have to pee

Oh dear God!!!save thy world from this disgraceful ignorance

Lost Cause...

I have always wondered how some people are so detached from everything.. If a rocketship crashes at thier feet or someone at a resteraunt slaps them, throws the glass of water on their face and shows them the finger.. nothing... they are as composed as a person getting a nobel prize.. like they dont know the meaning of the term shell shocked..

As if they have this force field around them that cocoons them from everything or numbs everything that is sharp... and all they are eventually left with is the placid and calm feeling .. nirvana..

and when u see their face.. its almost as if they are saying..
u can can do whatever u wanna do.. u aint gonna get to me!!!!

and im thinking... my God!!! How the fuck are u so calm.. i mean come on.. wat are u.. stone??!!

and another part in me says.. i wanna be that.. learn how to not scream and throw something at someone when im losing the last shred of sanity i have..

I wanna be able to stand there.. look around where everything is burning and feel like im standing along the sea shore..calm.. composed... and most importantly.. detached...

Memories fading .. greying .. blurring

Independence..new friends..long phone conversations...trips.. weekends at home.. making more new friends..merger.. standing around drinking coffee..disappointment.. contact.. rekindling old relationships.. building new ones.. ambition.. driven.. ooty green.. working like a donkey.. opportunities.. breaking rules..new work.. anxiousness.. nervousness.. more sleepless nights.. more comfort from old friends.. overnights..sleepovers.. fuel.. tibetan evil.. bonding like never before.. dancing.. the beach.. losing it.. finding yourself.. snap judgements.. wrong impressions.. unconditional affection.. drifting away.. unanswered questions.. thankful.. mom.. family.. friends.. realizations.. running away..seeking answers.. God.. religion.. breaking free..Casa..sing-alongs..straight hair..same person.. big brown eyes.. kindness.. strangers.. no longer friends.. sweeping under the carpet.. turn away...

put it all in a box.. label it 2006.. lock it and throw the key away...

work on filling up a new box...

Blue Eyed Girl

I have never believed in reading the lines of your hand.. i have never discredited it either..there isnt enough proof to for me to biased either ways..
But i have always enjoyed things like this.. because... its .. well .. fun..
and it gives you some sense of contentment.. even if its momentary... that everything is going to work out just fine.. something to sheild your insecurities.. even though a part of you says that its a myth.. because its too good to be true..

A really sweet uncle of mine researches palmistry as a hobby. The last time i saw him, at my cousin's reception dinner, my cousins pestered him to read everyone's hands. After a lot of teasing, pulling everyone's leg, serious advice and more fun..he told me this:

I have never seen a hand like yours..
You are the blue-eyed-child of this family.. You will be extremely successful in your career..
More successful than anyone else amongst the other children of the family..
You should never lose focus .. work hard.. and your hand will guide you
You will be the top brass.. one day.. for sure..

After having said that.. and after i was done grinning like an idiot.. i asked him..
Well, that covers my professional life.. wat about my personal life??

Silence...

He smiled, gave a peck on my forehead and walked away..joined his wife to socialize with the others..
I'm standing there thinking...
Oh boy.. i hear divorce bells!! He he..

that does not exactly sound blue eyed.. now does it!!?? Well.. you cant win them all....I guess that makes me a regular black-eyed girl..

Mirror mirror on the wall.... who is the fairest of them all?? i wish life was like Snow white and the seven dwarfs:)... I played snowwhite in the 3rd standard skit :D

Its been a really long time since i wrote anything here .. work kept me away.. but now that everything looks too good to be true on the work front.. im back to pen down more things that im pretty sure does not make sense.. and when i read it again..i will ask myself.. "What the hell was i thinking??!!"..

But if everything made sense to me.. then i would be God!! Resh Almighty :P

My weekend was a blurr!! I dont know when it came and where it went. Its almost as if i have been moving at warp speed and if i wish to recall all the things i did over last week and the weekend.. im gonna have to think real hard!! and still not be able to remember it all..

but the highlights are clear..topping the list is Gautam's birthday!! probably the last birthday he will celebrate with us.. next year.. he will have a whole new bunch of American or ABCD freinds making a mess of the surprises they had in store for him... We will miss you :)

I heard the new track from Nelly Furtado last night and thought it was apt:

Honestly what will become of me
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
We miss everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

and they say i am weird!!

I got tagged.. so here goes.. First up ... Rules:

Each player of this game starts with the "6 weird things about you". People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Next order of the moment.. My weird eccentricities:

1. I lose it when things dont go according to plan.. a total control freak
2. I organize my cupboard when im stressed out (i think its therapeutic)
3. I get really psyched when people get under my bedspread and on my bed sheets without showering first.
4. I have always imagined time travel.. going back to the 18th or the 19th century and wonder how they would react to us(21st century) ..imagning their disbelieving faces esp the disbelieving faces of the english characters from classic novels... (I know wat ur thinking..i have got start reading murder mysteries more!!!)
5. I am extremely scared to cross roads in bangalore.. its a newly developed phobia.. so bad that i cant cross until someone holds my hand and drags me across the street.. otherwise i will take forever
6. I learnt how to swim 12 years ago.. and i still dont know how to nose dive from the diving board without swallowing a lung full of water :D

Dream On!

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun
- Sheryl Crow

I dunno who she was kidding!!

Pee-ka-Boo!!

Its so funny when u see urself change over time.. its like you float outside of ur body and watch urself transition from one person to another person that you didnt know you could be a few months ago... watch yourself transition from one person to another that you didnt know existed a few months...

Time is a weird thing..its both cruel and kind at the same time.

And im not exactly sure how i feel about that..

Losing Grip

I am a an Army kid...and for the first time in my life.. im wishing that i wern't.. because wen u realise that the price paid to save your countrymen from terrorism and war is so high .. it just does not seem like its worth it.. when the price paid is the life of young men.. a young man..a young boy.. whom you did lab experiments with.. whom you sat on the same bench with in bio class.. whom you went to school with in the same school bus.. whom you fought with when you wanted more marks than him in a test..

i lost a friend of mine to terrorism on Saturday.. I was watching a movie with my friends when he probably got shot by those bastards..when he was bleeding to death.. away from his family.. in the most beautiful place there is on the planet.. Kashmir.. that now i think of as a hell hole..

all those people who kill in the name of religion or whatever .. BASTARDS.

they took a friend away from me.. a son ..a brother.. and most importantly.. a boy.. who was meant to live a long wholesome life.. i hope they realise that even their God is never going to forgive them.. for they have sinned..

I wept uncontrollably yesterday... but he is never going to come back.

This entry is dedicated to Leuitenant Parthiban, JAK LI(Light Infantry).. we all love you.. but its too late now to say that.. and more importantly.. we all miss you.