Blind Spot

I was at dinner with friends when something that a friend of mine voiced as a casual observation about me totally blew me away..

he said and i quote "You attach emotions to everything". All those who know me well will endorse the fact that im not an emotional person..that i will run away from anything that is even remotely emotional in nature..

but little things that i say like..this pizza tastes "funny" .. or.. the cup looks "deppressing"..or..lemon breezer is a "happy" drink..

Although you are quite aware of your actions.. there is a part in your personality that you are not aware of.. that only others see..This area is called the "Blind" area according to psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham.They came up with the JoHari Window concept which is widely used by psychologists for personality mapping awareness.

Its really quite ironic becuse you walk around thinking that you know everything there is to know about yourself.. and then.. WHAM!!! ..someone slaps you and makes you realise that you know as little about yourself as anyone else.. that maybe others understand you better that you!
.. and you thought you knew it all!!;)

P.S: If you think you know something about me that i dont know of.. let me know..

Silent Reverie

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybeI’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

-Sarah McLachlan

Its a depressing song..
The only sounds are the organ piano and a her gothic voice..
but i have never heard anything more beautiful..

Desire Vs Morals

I believe that all people are constitutionally good.. that their foundation is morally sound. but every now and then we face situations when we want something so badly that we ignore all the moral science lessons from school...all that our elders tell us about being righteous and being fair to everyone goes out the window.

Its not that they are bad or have no values.. its just that impulse and desire to get what they want takes over so strongly that one would go to any lengths to go get it. Any means necessary are taken. So does that move made on an impulse brand them as ethically unsound.. unvirtuous??

Who decides what we do as right or wrong? the society? our parents? or school moral science teacher? Our scriptures? or us.. our inner voice? I want to think thats its our inner voice.. but what influences our soul?..this inner voice .. i have been told that a large part of this influence comes from the way we have been brought up..our culture..our surroundings.I agree with what has been told to me so far because i have not heard a more convincing explanation yet. So if you really think about it, its a full circle.

But doesnt that make you wonder why so many people go astray..why the crime rates still continue to increase and why people still cheat and lie?

Generically speaking.. almost all of us are from the same culture..no matter what language we speak or which state we belong to. All parents hope to see their children grow up to be law abiding, ethical citizens of a country. Then where do things go wrong?

The Bible says that if you are righteous and virtuous, then you will go to heaven.. otherwise you will be sent to hell.. Other scriptures speak on similar lines. The Law says that if you abide by the rules, then you can lead a free life .. otherwise you will be sent to jail.. Since most of the population is broadly classified under two categories- The God fearing and the Atheists.. Whatever anyone may chose to be.. the above two statements should ideally deter them from doing anything sinful or illegal. Yet, there are exceptions, the ones who choose to defy all that is right and just, the antisocial elements of society. Where does their inner voice go? Why do they do what they do.. I refuse to believe that they were born bad apples..but how did they become rotten?

What if i do something that does not harm anybody materially, to achieve that which gives me happiness. Does it make me a bad person because for once i put myself before others? Because for once i put preference to my personal good before the common good.. for once i decided not to be a saint? Just because we are expected to be one at all times.. we put up a facade. It makes me feel like i'm cheating everyone more than ever because every cell in me wants something else and i'm doing something that is politically and ethically correct because i'm expected to do so.

So bottom line is.. When i do the right thing, i'm cheating everyone because i'm putting up a facade thereby making me feel guilty. And when i do what my heart desires, everyone else thinks im a cheat thereby making me feel guilty all over again.

The difference in guilt, as i see it, in the two cases is that in the first case, im not being honest with myself or anyone else. In the second case i am being honest about what i really want with myself and with everyone else. End result is the same. Free will has just died.. under moral obligations.

As i understand it, you can never do anything as you please to because at some point or other your decisions affect and influence others. And if there is the slightest possibility that it may cause heartache or loss or even a sneeze.. you have to rollback everything that you planned. Becuase you are a good person.. because you have ethics.. because you cannot break their heart.. But what about "your" heart?

mauve or purple??

Most boys do not know the difference between the two colours.. mauve and purple.. and when asked to venture a guess, they come up with THE most absurd answers..Here is an example...

Ji*** says: Hmmm.. arent they the same?? ( I'm thinking.. sure.. watever makes u happy :D)

Dhi***says: This is a trick question.. i refuse to answer.. (playing it safe huh???)

Jo*** says: mauve is a kind of guava that grows in goa.. it is very soft to touch and turns orange as it ripens ( ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.. Jonas.. u are the cutest !!)

A***(Smashed beyond hope ..points to a random direction and) says: mauve is that way.. and
purple is - i have to pee

Oh dear God!!!save thy world from this disgraceful ignorance

Lost Cause...

I have always wondered how some people are so detached from everything.. If a rocketship crashes at thier feet or someone at a resteraunt slaps them, throws the glass of water on their face and shows them the finger.. nothing... they are as composed as a person getting a nobel prize.. like they dont know the meaning of the term shell shocked..

As if they have this force field around them that cocoons them from everything or numbs everything that is sharp... and all they are eventually left with is the placid and calm feeling .. nirvana..

and when u see their face.. its almost as if they are saying..
u can can do whatever u wanna do.. u aint gonna get to me!!!!

and im thinking... my God!!! How the fuck are u so calm.. i mean come on.. wat are u.. stone??!!

and another part in me says.. i wanna be that.. learn how to not scream and throw something at someone when im losing the last shred of sanity i have..

I wanna be able to stand there.. look around where everything is burning and feel like im standing along the sea shore..calm.. composed... and most importantly.. detached...

Memories fading .. greying .. blurring

Independence..new friends..long phone conversations...trips.. weekends at home.. making more new friends..merger.. standing around drinking coffee..disappointment.. contact.. rekindling old relationships.. building new ones.. ambition.. driven.. ooty green.. working like a donkey.. opportunities.. breaking rules..new work.. anxiousness.. nervousness.. more sleepless nights.. more comfort from old friends.. overnights..sleepovers.. fuel.. tibetan evil.. bonding like never before.. dancing.. the beach.. losing it.. finding yourself.. snap judgements.. wrong impressions.. unconditional affection.. drifting away.. unanswered questions.. thankful.. mom.. family.. friends.. realizations.. running away..seeking answers.. God.. religion.. breaking free..Casa..sing-alongs..straight hair..same person.. big brown eyes.. kindness.. strangers.. no longer friends.. sweeping under the carpet.. turn away...

put it all in a box.. label it 2006.. lock it and throw the key away...

work on filling up a new box...

Blue Eyed Girl

I have never believed in reading the lines of your hand.. i have never discredited it either..there isnt enough proof to for me to biased either ways..
But i have always enjoyed things like this.. because... its .. well .. fun..
and it gives you some sense of contentment.. even if its momentary... that everything is going to work out just fine.. something to sheild your insecurities.. even though a part of you says that its a myth.. because its too good to be true..

A really sweet uncle of mine researches palmistry as a hobby. The last time i saw him, at my cousin's reception dinner, my cousins pestered him to read everyone's hands. After a lot of teasing, pulling everyone's leg, serious advice and more fun..he told me this:

I have never seen a hand like yours..
You are the blue-eyed-child of this family.. You will be extremely successful in your career..
More successful than anyone else amongst the other children of the family..
You should never lose focus .. work hard.. and your hand will guide you
You will be the top brass.. one day.. for sure..

After having said that.. and after i was done grinning like an idiot.. i asked him..
Well, that covers my professional life.. wat about my personal life??

Silence...

He smiled, gave a peck on my forehead and walked away..joined his wife to socialize with the others..
I'm standing there thinking...
Oh boy.. i hear divorce bells!! He he..

that does not exactly sound blue eyed.. now does it!!?? Well.. you cant win them all....I guess that makes me a regular black-eyed girl..

Mirror mirror on the wall.... who is the fairest of them all?? i wish life was like Snow white and the seven dwarfs:)... I played snowwhite in the 3rd standard skit :D

Its been a really long time since i wrote anything here .. work kept me away.. but now that everything looks too good to be true on the work front.. im back to pen down more things that im pretty sure does not make sense.. and when i read it again..i will ask myself.. "What the hell was i thinking??!!"..

But if everything made sense to me.. then i would be God!! Resh Almighty :P

My weekend was a blurr!! I dont know when it came and where it went. Its almost as if i have been moving at warp speed and if i wish to recall all the things i did over last week and the weekend.. im gonna have to think real hard!! and still not be able to remember it all..

but the highlights are clear..topping the list is Gautam's birthday!! probably the last birthday he will celebrate with us.. next year.. he will have a whole new bunch of American or ABCD freinds making a mess of the surprises they had in store for him... We will miss you :)

I heard the new track from Nelly Furtado last night and thought it was apt:

Honestly what will become of me
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
We miss everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

and they say i am weird!!

I got tagged.. so here goes.. First up ... Rules:

Each player of this game starts with the "6 weird things about you". People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Next order of the moment.. My weird eccentricities:

1. I lose it when things dont go according to plan.. a total control freak
2. I organize my cupboard when im stressed out (i think its therapeutic)
3. I get really psyched when people get under my bedspread and on my bed sheets without showering first.
4. I have always imagined time travel.. going back to the 18th or the 19th century and wonder how they would react to us(21st century) ..imagning their disbelieving faces esp the disbelieving faces of the english characters from classic novels... (I know wat ur thinking..i have got start reading murder mysteries more!!!)
5. I am extremely scared to cross roads in bangalore.. its a newly developed phobia.. so bad that i cant cross until someone holds my hand and drags me across the street.. otherwise i will take forever
6. I learnt how to swim 12 years ago.. and i still dont know how to nose dive from the diving board without swallowing a lung full of water :D

Dream On!

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun
- Sheryl Crow

I dunno who she was kidding!!

Pee-ka-Boo!!

Its so funny when u see urself change over time.. its like you float outside of ur body and watch urself transition from one person to another person that you didnt know you could be a few months ago... watch yourself transition from one person to another that you didnt know existed a few months...

Time is a weird thing..its both cruel and kind at the same time.

And im not exactly sure how i feel about that..

Losing Grip

I am a an Army kid...and for the first time in my life.. im wishing that i wern't.. because wen u realise that the price paid to save your countrymen from terrorism and war is so high .. it just does not seem like its worth it.. when the price paid is the life of young men.. a young man..a young boy.. whom you did lab experiments with.. whom you sat on the same bench with in bio class.. whom you went to school with in the same school bus.. whom you fought with when you wanted more marks than him in a test..

i lost a friend of mine to terrorism on Saturday.. I was watching a movie with my friends when he probably got shot by those bastards..when he was bleeding to death.. away from his family.. in the most beautiful place there is on the planet.. Kashmir.. that now i think of as a hell hole..

all those people who kill in the name of religion or whatever .. BASTARDS.

they took a friend away from me.. a son ..a brother.. and most importantly.. a boy.. who was meant to live a long wholesome life.. i hope they realise that even their God is never going to forgive them.. for they have sinned..

I wept uncontrollably yesterday... but he is never going to come back.

This entry is dedicated to Leuitenant Parthiban, JAK LI(Light Infantry).. we all love you.. but its too late now to say that.. and more importantly.. we all miss you.

The Devil Wears Prada

Meryl Streep is brilliant.. Anne Hathaway is beautiful... the movie is a total chick flick... but totally worth it at the same time because under all that glamour is a common problem faced by almost all working people ..chick or no chick...

Miranda(Streep) is the Dragon Lady of the fashion world, editor in chief of the most coveted fashion magazine..The Runway..The flipside is that her married life is hanging by a thread..She is so uptight and snooty and bitchy that everybody in the office is shitting bricks in their pants when they are around her or know that she is approaching. A hard taskmaster(and i dont mean it in a good way at all).. she expects her employess to make the impossible happen and she does not care how..

Andy(Hathaway) is a bright,intelligent,aspiring journalist who turned down Harvard Law School in search of a break that would launch her and make her visible in the literary world. Runway seemed to be the place and being Miranda's assistant was the opportunity. Little did she know that she was going to work for the devil herself.. a very expensively dressed devil.

The story deals with the decay of personal life as one becomes more successful
The deceit and politics involved in the world of the rich and powerful..
The tough choices made to climb up the sucess ladder..
The loneliness in the lives of the sucessful..
The whirlwind you get caught in to make it big..
All thats right and wrong seem to blend and fuse together..
How one sells their soul to the devil for fame, power and success.

At one point or another we have all faced one of these problems..

One of the dialogues that really struck me is as follows:
"When your personal life is dead.. its time for a promotion"..

A must watch for all.. totally paisa vasool..:D

Hello stranger!!

I find it very amusing when u happen to meet friends of the friend ur with and ur friend absolutely forgets to introduce you to the others and vice versa..

now comes the fun part.. ur all awkward coz u have to politely stand there and smile not knowing who the damn person is...and in ur head ur thinking "my God!! does ur friend have no social etiquettes?" he/she is making the whole thing so weird for both parties..

imagine.. leave the friend out of this scene.. ur standing in front of this stranger and politely smiling with no end in sight.. how funny is that?

so since ur friend does not have the manners.. one of the two parties.. usually me.. takes the initiative to introduce onself.. "Hi! I'm reshma..." Usually i want to add "I'm sorry that my friend is so shy(sarcastic)"...but then i bite my tongue and stop myself.

In case u didnt already know this.. when people in a group dont know everybody..for God's sake .. Intoduce them and spare the poor people the awkardness..

Shop-o-mania or Shop-o-phobia?

I go bonkers when i go out shopping for myself.. i hate it .. i hate it.. i HATE it...
especially when the agenda for the day is to go shopping.. All those who say that shopping is the cure for all the stress in the world.. BULLSHIT!!!!..

It adds to the stress when you have to wait outside a trial room in never-ending looooong queues to try on a million things and then worry if it suits you.. if the colour is right.. if its value for money... OH MY GOD!!! Somebody let me out of here....

Its one thing when you find something nice by chance.. serendipity.. Shopping was not on ur mind but you found something nice n picked it up.. now thats good.. that makes you feel good..

But when you are out looking for something and go in n out of a million stores to find that perfect outfit.. man... can that be frustrating!!!.. shopping is an instant migraine trigger for me...never fails..
go shopping.. a while later.. head throbbing!!

I now understand the concept of hiring people to shop for you.. i would hire one in a jiffy if i could afford one;)

Become so NUMB!

I have worked on crazy things since morning and all i wanna do right now is open a window n scream.. but since i cant do that.. im gonna do it right here..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

much better!!:)

Its Never Enough

It seems that no matter how long you have known people, its just not enough..because just when u think that u got them figured, they do something to completely surprise and throw the entire equilibrium off balance. Makes you wonder if its worth all the time and effort invested.. for an absolute control freak, these little bursts of inconsistency are enough to want to shoot them in the head..

This also brings u to a pessimistic but nonetheless,interesting way of looking at people.. that if ur shit out of luck, u will only find the most difficult people to make friends with ..and if there is even a 50% chance of that misfortune.. then its a lot better to stay away from the whole enchilada.. saves u a lot of trouble..

Another Year

Been wanting to put this out there for a long time now.. just not had the time..

Another year just rolled by and i dont know where it went..It was pretty much the most hectic birthday in my whole life.. with half the day spent in trivandrum and the other half in bangalore..The half day spent in trivandrum was just utter chaos..full house.. n too hard to explain over here..

When i reached bangalore in the evening i was cheerfully greeted by one of my good friends..the drama queen;) (Pls dnt kill me).. but i was totally caught offguard when some other friends of mine(Swetha,Gautam,Hemanth & Rakesh) also showed up at the airport to see me.. i was jumping up n down in total and absolute glee .. the people at the parking lot must have thought i went mad..

We drove straight to Casa Picola in Jayanagar where some more friends joined us .. it was the regular routine with the cake,good food n loads of laughter..followed by coffee at Kalmane coffee shop(they make THE best coffee)..

They tried to make each thing a surprise for me but unfortunately each surprise kept falling apart n i came to know about everything before they could surprise me.. good try you guys.

better luck next time.. if there is a next time.. Thank you so much for making my day special.. my best memory is when i saw u guys at the airport and flipped out with happiness..That image is framed in my mind for life..

Although it was really pleasing to see everyone make such a huge effort to make my day.. i guess i have reached a stage where my birthday feels like any other day.. the excitement is all gone and whats left is just another regular day..and the fact that i have reached such a stage makes me a little sad..

P.S: a certain dear friend of mine completely forgot to wish me and till date does not remember.. if ur reading this.. u know who u are.. and there is nothing u can do about the damage done

SWEET HOME ALABAMA .. err.. MADRAS

i have had the most amazing 5 day weekend ever.. (ummm.. thats a week ain't it?)

its just so much fun to lie in bed till 12 noon.. have breakfast brought to bed.. roam around in pyjamas till 4 pm.. a lazy shower and the oldest pair of jeans and t-shirt(really worn out.. my mom swears she is going to giv it to the maid to use as a mop.. he he he).. have a car around anytime u wanna go out.. the spoilt life all through..

Living at home is just luxury all the way..

I didnt call up any of my friends to meet up.. i was soo content with home n time spent with mom.. they are gonna beat me up if they read this.. n then disown me.. but i dont care.. it just felt so good to be home.. n with mom:D .. n all the yummy food (that unfortuntely is showing on me.. but wat the hec) ..

its such a bummer that i have to be back ..

Happy for no reason:D

I woke up today morning feeling extremely sleepy.. but along with that.. i was also feeling very happy.. for no reason at all.. grinning ear to ear:D

I am part of the spoilt generation who detest waking up early and getting out of the house by 7:30am. But not today..

Its good to have these kinda days.. the whole day feels like a breeze and you feel like spreading the joy..Anything anybody asks is granted and tensions just dissolve away..Nothing bogs you down and its a feel good day no matter how crappy you look (and trust me .. u dont look very good when you just about manage to fall out of bed and into the damn cab every morning).

I have been trying to figure out all day what could possibly cause this...but hec.. why waste time on trying to analyse this..Good things dont need a reason to happen..as long as they keep happenin..:)